Time Marches On

 Time has passed. So much happened and I didn’t have the gumption to put it all here. I took notes in my phone though. Let’s see. On 1/16/2021 my husband lost some weed. Nothing to do with me-seems he dropped while getting in the car or something. When I said I didn’t know where it was he called me stupid and made retard noises. Like the child he is.July 16 he bought flowers. Over time hes used this as an “I’m going to change” manipulation tactic. But I still simply thanked him and told him they were lovely. However when we watched a movie that evening and I failed to pay the unknown unstated price of touching him he berated me for not being grateful for the flowers. Somehow I was also called out by my son for making tiktoks about abuses by my husband…while apparently the abuses themselves are not a problem. Made the mistake of initiating sex-again. July 2021 hard to believe we’re still having sexual relations after all that’s happened. He got angry about a dildo I’d bought. Then invited it into bed. Then got jealous of it. Then got angry I had one at which point I literally called him out for the constant masturbating to porn he does that makes it so real sex doesn’t work for him. That ended that. A few days later he said if I ever lock my bedroom door he’s divorcing me and I’ll get nothing. A laughable threat really. In September 2021 I found him on Facebook dating yet again…with a substantial number of matches. He’s unable to figure himself out but I have. In October he was indulging himself in zoo porn. The fix gets ever more disgusting. He picks fights persistently. I was looking up parking for my job downtown and he starts belittling me for smiling at my phone and when I state I’m not he calls me a bitch. Old record. Projection actually. I stayed at out daughters volley ball to watch varsity and he starts in with rude texts about “where are you volleyball never goes until 9”. Which in fact it usually does. Again suspicion based on projection. Shall we keep going? Might as well. October 20th I think we are staying at a hotel. At dinner with the boys when the subject of home values come up and I mention that makes our value high. So he responds with “see we can get a divorce then”. Our younger son whose 21 says “you guys I forgot how you are”. I’m like I didn’t say anything! I didn’t even respond. Jeff then says “ I was joking” as if that isn’t typical narcissism. On the side I even said that to him making sure out of earshot of our sons. A few hours later of course he wanted sex. I said no. He asked why. Shake my head. I told him because the dinner comment made me not in the mood. He asked what comment. Of course. I explained that the divorce comment crossed my boundaries and was inappropriate and uncomfortable for not just me but our sons. Also of course instead of addressing he deflected by saying I say stuff like that. I said no I do not. I do not just randomly make divorce comments while we are having dinner with our kids. His next go to was to say I haven’t wanted sex with him for two weeks anyways. I told him in the last two weeks he’s called me a bitch and thrown it the word divorce 3 times and that that has nothing to do with the comment made at dinner. I also said deflecting and projecting will no longer work on me. All in a bland tone. He called me a bitch and that ended that. Standard issue.The next morning my sons texted me about breakfast and he immediately berated me for “wasting time on your phone”. When I responded that I let our sons know we’d meet them and remixed them they needed masks for the buffet and “ yeah I’m such an awful person” he called me anfucking bitch. I wanted to laugh but I gray rocked it instead. His behavior is absurd. I feel like I need a new post to finish 2021