Not May Flowers

 I was sitting in the living room when he came into the room and stood over me in the chair and started yelling and aggressively waving his hands at me and told me to give him his old phone - which I did not have. When I told him I didn’t have it he forcibly grabbed my phone from my hands. I asked for it back repeatedly and he grew more angry yelling at me about having his old phone (not an active phone)I reached for my phone that was in his hand once and he grabbed my arm and pushed me away. I told him to give me my phone and that he was scaring me and I was going to call 911. He said “no I’m not giving you my phone until you give me my j7.”I asked twice more and he still refused. I said I would use a different phone to call 911 and went to my room locked the door to look for an old phone I could wifi call on. Cutter got somewhat involved thinking I took Jeff’s phone but I think there was confusion as Jeff was referring to an old phone he no longer used-and in fact it was MY phone originally that he borrowed when his broke. When I came out I did point out and give him the j7 that was in the drawer of the end table. But ultimately though he said the j7 phone that wasn’t even the one he was looking for-turned out the phone he was looking for was IN HIS ROOM! On HIS gun cabinet!  6 minutes later he threw my phone onto the living room chair and went to his room

May 31

Stayed in my locked room when he got home to avoid abuse as it’s just been a daily thing . He knocked and I asked what he wanted. He didn’t reply at first and repeatedly knocked louder and more forcefully then yelled why wouldn’t I open door and why was it locked and that he would break it as he’s “done with this locked door bullshit”. I then opened the door fearing he would break it down as he has multiple times. He again asked why was my door locked and I asked if that’s all he wanted. He then screamed at me “fuck you. Fuck you bitch. Unselfaware cunt. You want to be miserable go ahead” I replied that’s why my door was locked and shut my door again. He forced  it open  a few minutes later and screamed at me again from the doorway and I got up and shut the door in his face quickly and locked door again. He at least walked off while screaming “you’re sick a fucking bitch”. Fading into the distance like my reactions have. His toxic is a one way street I don’t go down.

7/17/22

Comes home and is at the microwave. I didn’t greet him properly with a kiss he say so he adds “you have TIktok friends go fuck them cuz you're about a cold bitch.

If you’re not gonna fuck me I don’t want fucking nuthin from you”

I said “well you lied” he says “yeah I did but youre a cold bitch that can go without sex for 2 months but I’m not”. I think they call this coercion. Even if I’m not falling for it.

8/12/22

We were broke down in wichita and were talking about renting a car to return home. I told him you are NOT smoking in the rental between here and hays js tho! (Last time we were charged 500 cuz he refused to not smoke). He immediately yelled that I was a “fucking bitch” “a bitch all the time” then when we went outside cutters house called me a “fucking cunt” “can’t wait to get rid of you” “gonna get rid of the cunt”. I finally had enough and said “fuck you” after an entire road trip and day of abuse and he turns to rio and cutter and says “see? She’s a bitch”. Worse they bought it and treated me like I was a pariah. It’s very hard to watch your kids perception be manipulated. Worse I shouldn’t have said fuck you to him but they were aware he’d been screaming at me all day. From “fuck you” to “you’re a bitch” “ this is all your fault” He even threw a helmet at me hitting my side while yelling at me. All because cutters truck broke down. Not sure they’ll ever understand how manipulatively he abuses me all day so when I finally have enough and stand up for myself he can point fingers and act like it was all me. Maybe someday when they’re old. By then I’ll be gone.