Death Trap

 I wish I had somewhere to go. Parents. Friends. Even if I had money I could go alone. I’m trapped and scared. Tonight my husband met me to drop off a rental car. He called multiple times during the day and asked at least 7 times what I was doing. He was rude and edgy about it which put my radar up. When we got in the car and were driving home he asked about me talking to a Joshua cottrell. Never heard of him. No idea what he’s talking about. Then he tells me it some guy that popped up on his Facebook and he thinks every time this person - whom neither of is friends with- is online on fb and every time so am I. What? He is insane. I’ve no idea how he ties this together. Fabricated to validate his behavior of matching up with women on FB. Not to mention I barely use fb - but my daughters in my account so it can show active. Regardless it’s nothing to do with some ransoms person on HIS Facebook - it’s not even on mine. So that led to him lying about hitting on women again. I confronted his lies. He persisted lying. I didn’t buy it. He got angry. Righteous yelling that he wasn’t lying. When I called on some proof he admitted lying. And kept trying to touch me. I said stop touching me. I said his lying is gross and I don’t deserve him. No one deserves the way he treats me. I finally yelled at him not to touch me again for probably the 15 th time and…he tried to kill us. He screamed that he was going to take us both out. Then swerved to the guardrail on my side of the overpass only a couple inches from hitting it. Then he swerved to the middle then back at the guardrail again. I was petrified crying and yelling no stop. Then he abruptly aimed the car at the guardrail on his side coming close again. Yelling that he would kill us and himself. I hate worrying about money. I should have called 911. I wanted to. I will. I need a little more time. I hope I’m alive when I get there. I will never get in a car with him again. He will never trap me and try to kill me again. I told him he had no right. At home he tried the pity party of excuses of why he did it. All about him 

Just BS

 Theres just no other way to describe or title whats been going on lately as anything other than compete bullshit.Where to begin? Do I start with the fact he's been doing background checks online on me thinking hes going to find fake profiles or something? Which suggests thats likely what he's up to. Or that he has made up some Tiktok interpretation out of a joke of what big feet means into me sleeping with one guy I went on a 2 hour hiking date with when I found out he had a whole ass girlfriend for months? Unlike him I don't have sex with other people. Just hiking was awkward. How about him testing positive for herpes 2 and then dismissing and excusing it and then accusing me of giving it to him when I've been faithful and he has slept around. Or maybe that every day he goes on facebook dating to look at women and match with them? He also stalks my social media - constantly reviewing people that follow me - even if I dont follow them back. Or how he told our 17 year old daughter that I might get a job working some nights and weekends and if I did it would just make him want to cheat again? And how after screaming at me about a man I didnt have sex with the next night he asked if I was horny?: No I said - being screamed at doesnt turn me on. How he thinks just because he scheduled therapy he has manipulated me into believing his lies? Or how he wants to have sex even though he agreed to the time I said I needed because he has been actin crazy? How he threatened me that he wasn't going to put up with me closing my bedroom door when I do so to escape verbally abusive screaming? He checks his facebook security settings every single day. A few days ago he said he wanted to end his life. That he often thinks about suicide. then the next day hes fine because its just a tactic to manipulate yet again. He calls multiple times a day asking repeatedly what im doing, if I have plans, am I going somewhere. Every time I'm on my phone he asks what I'm doing or who I'm texting. I dont mind here and there but since I only text our kids it gets annoying and he acts accusatory about it - just like he does as the cheater. His mental instability is worsening and is frightneing. I am scared of him. What he might do to me. He screams fuck you one day and the next day wants sex. And I say no. Then its fuck you again. Thats why i said I needed time to see improvement. But that never happens. He called lawyers about divorce. Then got mad when he found out i had talked to one a year ago - you know when he had the girlfriend for months. The one that thought he was leaving me for her. But each time a lawyer confirms out state is equitable or like 50/50 and alimony is a thing he drops it and tries to gaslight me that it never happened. I dont know...the amount of crazy behaviors and action are scary. And bullshit of course