Turkey Day was Fowl !

The status quo was just that most of November. Like a glassy lake undisturbed by the wind...deep water without ripples but nasty undertows lurking beneath the falsely calm surface. As always I am secure in my knowledge that my husband is using porn and emailing women for sex. But it hasn't been in my face and these days I find my indifference extends into what I cant see. The past and present are invariably and intricately linked. I cooked the acceptable standard Turkey dinner. My 9 1/2 year old daughter helped as she often does. I set out the turkey, she set out the potatoes, gravy, and broccoli. I told my husband dinner was ready as my daughter was getting the last item...yams. He came out to the kitchen as she had the yams in her hands and berated her loudly..not quite yelling but in a startling manner with voice raised. "Just leave it...why do you have to fucking move shit" he tells her as his body pushed her out of the way..I was about to light into him but he had..if not scared at least flustered and put her physically off balanced her so she made to turn back to the stove as he had barked at her and shoved himself in the way but he pushed her making her spill hot yam juice on herself. Shes so smart..she did not drop the pan but set it down...she didn't want to splatter her feet..her tummy was burned...fortunately not badly but it hurt her. I berated my husband for this one without compunction..if he had let her be, let us finish as we,d been doing, not barked at her.. not pushed her...it wouldn't have happened. I have been abused so long and been so undermined I accept it as my fault- but not my daughter. My protective instinct kicked in.  I was furious. I have to take some culpability as I was allowing her to handle a hot item but we had smoothly and with my supervision laid out the rest and if not for his intervention would have finished smoothly. What angers me is that he cant admit the wrongness of speaking to her that way or pushing her. Period. If he didn't think she should move it then say "you don't have to move it...why dont you leave it but thank you" or better yet "let me get that for you". He blamed me...and was pissed that I dare have such a low opinion of him. I later apologized for lashing out at him Apology not accepted. I didn't even say "but" but I will now...but I really didnt care. I dont want to be a victim or doormat. So Thanksgiving evening rolls around and hes across the room on his phone..staring intently as time ticks by. After an hour I check and see hes looking at  porn via google plus. How I knew is somewhat convoluted but lets say friend suggestions are based on sites. I suddenly stepped towards.him and stated I knew he was looking at porn..he claims hes on plus because theres no nudity...I showed him that lie. We.had a big row...not because I was hurt so much as how vastly inappropriate it was. I told him he was going to wake up divorced and dumbfounded one day...but he cant grasp it. He will never own his porn addiction or his multitude of other problems. He doesn't have the mental wherewithal to . He gave some lame blah blah and I did not pursue it.. his addiction his problem. I asked him who was his go to girlfriend is ...and told him porn. Who did he fight for..porn. who did he cum for...porn. So we fought..then didn't. In just a few days he thought all was better. I forgot to mention in the midst of my determined verbal honesty  he admitted that when he went to Romantix..lying about being at work...that he visited the arcade. He then expected credit for this belated honesty. Im beginning to think hes the dumbest person I ever met. So as its not worth my brains investment I have not dwelled on the issue. So the rest of the week went by..I also enjoyed some volunteer time my kids school...xmas shopping etc. Then a few nights ago I see he has set something to record...at 1230am on showtime. If it had been "busty coeds" i probably wouldnt have even bothered with it. But the movie description was about a runaway teen sucked into porn - a plot that disgusts me. I asked him '"what about a teen being victimized into porn made him want to watch that". He gave me some blah blah bs and that was the end of it...but he knew my opinion. So that night I get up at 130...when I step into the living room there he is...watching the movie...dick in hand. I directly and definitively shared my opinion that jacking off and even watching porn is not what bothers me - but jacking off to teen porn does and so does him always choosing porn over love. I then went back to bed. Half hour later I get up again..this time for aspirin...and there he is...movie on, phone in one hand, dick in the other! He hides the phone then shows me porn he was looking at. But he wont let me touch the phone...and he was on some sex chat thing also getting his rocks off. HAPPY HOLIDAYs