Another year slipped by. I see people still read this blog. Its enlightening even for me after time elapses. I live in the same world with a different view. In many ways Ive grown sorry for my husband - he lives in the same world with the same view. Unable to grow or change. Of course things improved mildly for a good 7 or 8 months after I busted him cheating. We were sexually active and getting along mostly with no major problems. But eventually the narcissistic abuse returned. Progressing as is the nature of the beast. And at its peak I always know that the beast is holding hands with lies. I changed myself and if youre in the same boat know that it really truly can make your life better. Also reading a book called "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck" by Mark Manson helped tremendously. Its not as vague and uncaring as you might interpret from the title. I have come to realize my husband might actually be genuinely nuts if not just incredibly inept.
So some interesting excerpts as I do still blog into my phone. One night I was talking to my stepmother on the phone about our kids needing braces...she asked why since no one on my side ever needed any and I said from Jeffs side as he and his siblings all had braces. And wow my husband took great offense and said that :"according to me everything bad come from his side". This with my kids and my sons girlfriend sitting there...so I said wow...did you really just flip me off because I said the teeth come from your side? And you took that personally?! Holy crap! My son got crappy wavy hair from my side and I apologize but Im not offended lol. Craze invented drama..ooh ooh to validate what - a reason to cheat?! Heres your sign! Another night we are watching a movie. Suddenly out of nowhere he says "well I guess Ill get y hair cut somewhere since you dont want to". I replied " I never said that". HHe says "its not like your offering" and goes on about that for 45 seconds. I remain quiet. Then he berates me because I thanked him for a garden spike he got me but didnt hug him. So I gather my stuff tell him I dont want to argue and go to my bedroom. But he follows slamming open the door attacking " see one thing I say about my feelings an your independent ass just walks away". Then he starts calling me a bitch, yelling fuck you, slams the door..I retreated to my bathroom contemplating what this determined attempt to cause angst and drama could mean? Well if you have read past posts then you should be able to guess...surely he is digging back into porn or cheating.
The final confirmation was easily interpreted. In my personal overhaul I pursued a new career as a flight attendant. I wanted to do this at 18 but was too short. But I am on smaller planes and the regulations are different so I followed this past dream and graduated in January. Ive been flying several days a week since the end of January. Last month I got the opportunity to sit in the Captains seat during flight as he had to use the restroom and another person has to be in the flight deck. When I got home I said to my husband "guess what I got to do today?!!" (excited voice). "what?" he asks. "I got to sit in the Captain seat in the cockpit during a flight!". his reply? "he must really like you huh?". OMG. At least I have my kids t\who have a normal response..which is "wow thats cool! youre luck what was it like? how come they let you?'. So now he makes suspicious comments to and tells my daughter Im probably cheating. Uh oh. Guess what that means? It most definitely means HE is cheating! And yup...there he is. Right back on Meetme dating app. cheating away. Last night he berated me for not kissing him hello when hes been chatting up chicks again for MONTHS. I cannot respect such idiocy. He is the most hypocritical shallow person Ive ever met! This is finite. This is dirty laundry no matter how many times you wash, rinse, and repeat!
