Outtakes

 This is a short story that again demonstrates the definition of narcissism in my husband. This morning he woke me at 430am - I normally get up at 7 or so. He ordered me to make him a sandwich for lunch because his back was hurting. I didn’t feel well but to avoid abuse I got up without complaint and did so. He had also poked me incorrectly during some duty sex so I was in a little pain too. I went back to my room and he came in a few minutes later moaning loudly wanting a back rub which I also did. He texted later saying his back still hurt and I texted back sorry with a sad face. I felt worse on and off as the day went on. When he got home I was laying down. It was obvious I didn’t feel good and my daughter mentioned it as well. But still he bitched about dinner and wanted me to make bacon. When I said I didn’t feel well and had been sick he said “I’d take being sick over my back pain”. Wtf did that have to do with it?. Thanks for the caring sorry I told him. There was bs over the bacon but that’s hardly worth the typing. I also had an interesting conversation with my daughter about how when we went to dinner with her and her boyfriend my husband repeatedly insulted me disguised as jokes. I did slam him back but only as responses. He even made a joke about wishing me dead/killing me. Well anyways just some daily outtakes 

Duh

 My husband has been doing what is called hoovering and it’s when narcissists try to “win you back” after they have previously devalued (abused) and discarded you (rejected value). In this cycle they try to love bomb or make you believe they’ve changed. He’s been working at this for a month. I’ve been kind and haven’t rejected him but I haven’t bought it for a single second. I had a bet with myself on how long he could last. A few weeks was my guess. He made it almost a month. A few days ago I had done some heavy shoveling in the sun to fill a massive hole in our driveway so our daughter could get her car down it. I overworked and had a mediocre migraine as a result. I was laying on the couch when he got home. I had dinner ready when he got home the last 4 nights but not this night. A few minutes in he asks if I’m making dinner. I said I hadn’t planned since our daughter wasn’t home so it was just him. He told me to see what I had to make and though I was irritated I said nothing and got up and went to the fridge. He asked about pork chops and I said no I made those a few nights ago. Then drumsticks and I said no I made those a couple nights ago. And he said “yeah and that’s the food I bought”. What?! So I replied “what the fuck does who bought what have to do with the price of tea in China?!” Yes in an irritated voice but nothing more. Then I asked if chicken breast was ok and he said fine so I put it in the microwave to defrost. Then suddenly he starts berating me - telling me he “works hard all day and the least I could do is have dinner ready when I don’t do a fucking thing all day but sit on my lazy fucking ass and he comes home and I’m laying on the couch sleeping like a lazy pos and that I’m a bitch and a fkn bitch”  and as he was still getting louder and meaner I calmly said whoa okay that’s crossing boundaries for you to berate me like that and belittling what I do so since it is so little you can now make your own dinner and I’ll leave the room until you are a decent human again”. Then I went to my room and locked the door. For another 10 minutes he went on yelling in the kitchen about what a bitch I am and lazy and how he was happy when he was fucking other women so he’s gonna go back to that and that I should get a boyfriend and get the fuck out...and on and on. Then he came to my door and threatened to kick it down if I didn’t open it. After several threats swearing he would do it I opened the door. He kind of apologized but also tried to gaslight me and make it my fault for not having dinner and having attitude about it. He tried to be a victim because I was snotty to him and said it was belittling- I explained being snotty and berating and calling someone foul names are not the same and I hadn’t done either. That earned the “aren’t you just so perfect” snide remark. And the “you’re worse than my mother”. I explained that he can feel however he wants but the words and threats to break doors and intimidation are not acceptable ever. He said I had no rights and it was bullshit that I walk away and lock my door. I said if I am uncomfortable with the way he’s acting or his attitude or am scared I have every right to walk away- I said just like if you don’t like my attitude you can walk away. Which he did. Thank goodness. The multiple apologies poured in the next morning. He’s lost control of himself and others and narcs can’t deal with this. But I didn’t say much. Just have a nice day. Two days later. He’s trying to be back in my good graces. Heck he even thinks he should be. Then it slips again. We were talking about his work and I said something empathetic about his drive and he’s like “yeah I wouldn’t have to listen to you bitch about dinner”. Which I didn’t do anyways. So I answered “yeah and I wouldn’t have to listen to you call me a bitch a cunt and a lazy piece of fucking shit”. That was a few hours ago and now he’s pouting because I didn’t show sexual interest in him. Wtf? I mean there’s a level of obtuse stupidity here that’s mind boggling. Duh.

Gaslighting

I thought I’d share a real proper story that describes abusive gaslighting within an actual example with a real conversation that took place. So I was selling my sons car for him for an amount that my son agreed he was willing to take - its his car he paid for it. The asking price was 4000 but I was willing to take less so that I can get my son back his money. And since it’s a vehicle with a salvage title it’s not like I’m going to get a huge amount of interest. So I was talking to my husband about it and explaining he needed to not drive it to work it’s not his car and is for sale and I had some people that were coming to look at it and he said that it needed brakes and then somehow the conversation evolved into the asking price and he said he wouldn’t take less than 3800 and I said well if someone comes by with a little less I’m not going to Pass it up at which point he stated “fine then I’m not doing fucking shit to that car I’m not working on it if that’s all you’re going to take for it.”  I said  whatever and walked away. The next morning some people came out to look at the car and he was outside and I told him I had people coming to look at it and he said something about working on it and I said well I figured that it didn’t matter since you weren’t going to work on it anyways and he says “I said I was going to do the brakes and you told me not to work on it” and I looked at him and said “ that did not happen- you literally screamed at me that if I was only going to take 3500 for it you weren’t going to work on it or do the brakes”.and then I walked away again. But this is what constitutes gaslighting - making a production out of something and then trying to divert it to the other person.  unfortunately for him and fortunately for me it no longer works it has zero effect on me I don’t buy it and it was obvious that he realized that because he didn’t try to further his ridiculous argument in the first place. This is a subtle form of abuse and that one time for a long time it made me question myself. But no longer once you figure out gaslighting the narcissist is in front of failure.