The Low Bar

So right now my husband is future faking and hoovering me to manipulate me yet again. It’s not working if course - 5 times too many. Last night we were watching tv - in his new but done before pretense he is not staying in his room like he has. Out of the blue he asks why my Facebook friends list is private. Now everything on my FB has been public and always has but three days ago I noticed he set his list to private. He was also stalking some followers I have on Instagram which are irrelevant - I don’t even talk to them they follow me from my TikTok account. Anyways I answer because yours is. He proceeded to argue about how mine was private before his and that’s why he changed his. Until I pointed out how not long ago he drilled me about friends on there - again irrelevant. It’s always just him projecting his own behavior. As he went on about it I said no more but finally got up and said I’m going to my room for a few minutes. Which I did. Then I came back out. We watched the show then he fell asleep and we went to our separate bedrooms. Today was no better. Went to the grocery store and all was fine. Then when we went to pay I didn’t have my debit card so he gave me his. I asked the pin - he used to have a different one and since I’ve used his card maybe once in the last year I didn’t know his. He made a face. Rolled his eyes. Said it’s the same as yours while demeaning me and speaking ina hard to describe insulting tone. I responded “ all I did was ask you for your pin you don’t need to talk to me like that”. His response was to call me a bitch so I tossed his card back to him and finished with the groceries. When we got to the car I told him he did not need to talk to me that way nor would I tolerate it as unacceptable”. His response was to call me a bitch. Tell me how I need to look in the mirror. That I’m crazy. I ended up being reactive to all this. Not in my usual bland way but by calling him out on lying. He went into a whole personality attack against me. I told him I am sticking to just the way you spoke to me in the store. So he proceeded to tell me what the clerk and the lady behind us thought of me - which he has no ideal since they said nothing. He thinks everyone is on his side from a look. While I don’t even think about what’s in someone’s head. Anyways it’s a reality check. At one point he told me I needed to put someone else’s dick in me. And that I should get out of his house. And how he’s staying cuz I can’t afford it. And I said well I can with the alimony. Yep. A real deterioration. Soon to be the end. The narcissist who goads you and mistreats you and then when you finally say enough - tries to turn it around and make out like because you reacted you’re crazy. All he had to do was answer kindly. In fact that’s what I told him. He’s set the bar so incredibly low the only standard is just someone who speaks kindly

Pants on fire

 So wow we just had a conversation and he lied so unnecessarily just to make himself feel important! It snowed today so his work called off. When his boss texted he told him he had left and headed to work but the roads were icy. He told me he hadn’t got a text so he slept in. Then he said he told his boss offered a late start and he responded  he wasn’t driving in this shit. And that the guys were probably glad he decided that. When in fact his boss did offer a late start and did ask what he thought since he has the longest drive but before my husband even answered the boss said nevermind they would hold off today no work but see about tomorrow. So no my husband did not make that decision. He likes to pretend he’s the boss though. Then I commented that it sounded his boss at least did care about his 90 minute drive. (Every day for 2 wks my husband has complained his boss doesn’t gaf). He then went into a spiel about how all the big dogs come out and scratch their heads about how effed up (meaning hard) the job is and so his boss realized he isn’t just some grunt. And how the inspector even said something blah blah. And I said oh I’m sure he never thought that. Then he went on about how stupid his boss is and how he never checks anything and on the other crew the superintendent was doing labor helping stab pipe. I said to be fair if I was a boss who didn’t have to I wouldn’t. And my husb says yeah I don’t do much outside my hoe but my boss should at least check what we’re doing. I said yeah- for me though I prefer a boss I never see haha- and he’s like yeah me too. And I’m replied no that’s not what you just said. And he said “well you’ve never worked construction you don’t know shit”. I was like yeah you’re right I was just saying for my preference....but at that point he was like whatever and left back to his room. At some point we also touched on his boss because he said they get along but every night he comes home he complains about his boss and tells some story where he was a sick to him. There was one instance where my husband was reprimanded and when I asked about his day and hinted around it he never told me. Funny. He lies. About nothingness really. He’s just devaluing his boss like a good narc because he’s trying to hoover me. His pants ought to be lit

Douche

 So in the interest of keeping myself from being a victim of gaslighting and also to demonstrate what I go through I have one small short story. So yesterday I was telling my daughter and her boyfriend a story about a kid I took care of for a summer when our son was a baby. My husband was not part of the conversation but at some point he walked into the kitchen and I referred to my son as being a baby at the time and my husband was like he wasn’t a baby he was a few years old. And I saidNo he wasn’t he was a baby I know because we moved into our house in December 1999 and this was while we were living in the hotel while our house was being built and our son was born in August 1998 so since we weren’t in our house yet he was under a year old I really didn’t think anything of it it wasn’t his story to interrupt the age didn’t matter that much but apparently as he walked away he called me a bitch I actually didn’t notice because he made sure to turn away from me but my Daughter and And her boyfriend was who he directed the derogatory name to and both of them let me know that he called me a bitch. So highly inappropriate highly in accurate and highly unnecessary

Define special

 Today I think I had a breakthrough a real insight into how a person who lacks empathy and who is abusive thinks and how their thought processes actually don’t work. Yesterday My husband and I were discussing the on again off again sometimes argumentative relationship of my son and his girlfriend. I happen to mention that I could understand them working it out and that I found almost anything forgivable even like between us I could find some of the cruel things that were said or things like throwing stuff at me some times that he even physically hurt me - I could let a lot of that gi but the one thing I had difficulty letting go of was cheating with five women in less than A few years. I told him it would be one thing if he had gotten drunk and had an ego thing falling into bed with someone but the planning and the number was some thing I was having a really hard time getting past. He told me or his response was well I’m not doing that anymore so let’s just move on. So I didn’t have my depth of thought in gear at that moment so fast forward to today and he was making insulting comments about a friend name Lloydand how Lloyd had another new girlfriend and then he quietly mentioned some thing about her being fat and how Lloyd didn’t pick that great or have a lot of options and I couldn’t resist it because yeah so I’m in the position of having been well not me but my marriage destroyed by him so I said you’re one to talk. And oh did he play the victim suddenly I was the bitch because I made a remark in spite of the fact that that remark wouldn’t even be possible if he hadn’t actually fucked four of the five women in the last couple of years.That thought process is not some thing he can achieve and it was at that moment or a few moments after that it occurred to me it’s because he can’t his response was I’m not doing that anymore  I’m not cheating I’ve been better I’ve only blown my top at you a couple of times in the last month - it’s never I can understand how I hurt you and I don’t wanna do that again so I’m trying to be really open with you now that’s what a normal guy that really wanted to work it out with his wife would do but then a normal guy would only cheat once and work it out he wouldn’t like planet and join dating sites and do it over and over again so I don’t know why am surprised I bet even with the remark I made he didn’t sayIn a way that would be taking penance  which is really what he needs to do but he didn’t say you’re right I’m sorry I choose you I mean there’s so many other responses that would show him as a human but he still wrapped up in being about him this I’m not cheating I am behaving it isn’t about me or about other people about taking care of being a decent person it’s just about look at me look at how good I am look at me not cheat I’m special. Did you know he’s not he’s not special he’s the opposite of special

Ugh

 Just for my own memory I wanted to document what is in many ways a minor annoyance but sometimes these loom big with undertones. My son was here and I had left the room briefly when I came back my husband was talking in a very low tone to him and standing only a foot away . He’s a loud person who rarely gets that close. He was giving our son money which was fine but I didn’t say anything even though he was being very quiet about it. No biggy right. Shortly after my son mentioned the amount of sugar my husband was adding to his tea. I turned to my son and said he goes through a pound a week. So my husband makes this bshh pshh whisper mimic sound and then accused me if whispering a secret. I was like so...you were whispering to our son when I came in and I wasn’t whispering I was just telling him you use sugar. Yet somehow it turned to how he wasn’t whispering or being quiet when he gave the money he was just telling him something - the son backed him on this. But I did the EXACT same thing and they twisted it. It’s so annoying. When did these boys fall prey to treating their dad like a victim? Maybe they can turn to this victim when they have needs other than pot.

The other thing is the cheating lying manipulative husband has decided he has all these positive plans for his summer - HE wants to camp and HE wants to dirtbike. And the boys- whom he grasping back onto when it’s time to let them go he wants them to camp and ride with us. But it’s all about what HE wants to do. And I told him so. And when I said maybe we could make plans for something I wanted to do...he got bent outta shape. Cuz he’s supposed to get recognition for all this turned around goodness he thinks he’s got.

Lastly my son and I were discussing my husband brothers perverted past and my son said it was sick and that at least like his dad had normal problems- ugh. I told him there’s nothing normal about cheating with 3 women at the same time and he shouldn’t normalize that. Their dad is just big on pressing money he doesn’t have and buying them pot and talking dope with them for the good buddy system. I suppose they’ll always be attracted to his grossness- til they have kids and finally see the light