Tell Me Your Lobe Lies

Monday was our anniversary. My bar is set so low that it actually was one of the better of the past 4 years because this year he wasn’t on a date, phone or screwing some other woman. He did nothing else to replace bad memories including not even saying happy anniversary. To be fair neither did I but then I’m not the one that needs to show up differently. On Wednesday he texted me that he forgot to say happy anniversary on Tuesday..I texted back that it was actually Monday but it was fine. He replies that he meant Monday but we weren’t getting along “haha”. I replied “haha”. Because adding that was an unnecessary excuse instead of just admitting he forgot. He was off work early Tuesday and again last night (Wednesday). He’s sitting out in the living room sniffling claiming a runny nose from walking in cool air. Nah. It’s coke. I know it. He’s 5’10 and weighs 143. But I don’t say anything. Then this morning he sneaks through my room into my bathroom. There’s an old grinder in there he uses for coke. As he snuck back out I didn’t say anything just peeped out and watched him try to silently close my door. I’m a light sleeper. So once he’s gone I get up and check and see and sure enough the grinder is gone. It’s 445am. I go back to bed…and he sneaks in again and goes into the bathroom again. I ask him why he keeps going in and out of my room and he replies that he had to use the bathroom. This is an astoundingly stupid lie since there’s a bathroom next to his room that he uses and no one else is in there! So he goes into the bathroom, shuts the door. Then about 8 seconds later noisily closes the lid (something he NEVER does in the other bathroom) then flushes. As if a guy could unzip and pee in that time. Plus there’s a door gap and no fan and you can hear anyone peeing - my bed is right outside the door. He didn’t. So as he comes out and is passing by the end of my bed on his way to the bedroom door I say “it’s not like I don’t know you took the grinder and are lying”. He answers that he had to use the bathroom then says “what the fuck do you care” and exits the room. I check and sure enough the grinder is put back. He comes back 10 minutes later and says the 2nd time he came in to tell me goodbye but “I make it uncomfortable all the time” - again absurd since he went straight to the bathroom and headed straight back out. I called bullshit though and told him he just didn’t like getting caught lying …I don’t think he even heard it though over him bitching out loud to himself about me. I didn’t say anything else. After he left for work he texts me and tells me his co worker gave him a bump yesterday so “ya he wanted to use the grinder”. Why not just say that originally? Because he’s a liar? Whether he needs to or not? And yet it’s obvious he was doing it the night before. If I were to guess by the way he kept sniffing I’d say he probably did some all day and some in the evening. Whatever he had this morning was just what he had left. And why would you grind a “little bump”. That would mean it was really a “little rock”. Anyways the whole point of this is not really what he was doing or the unhealthiness (he already smokes an oz of weed a week and 2 packs of cigs a day) but about the lying. The chronic compulsive lying. His frontal lobe has got to be damaged.

Bargains

So he had another visit with his therapist. When he came out I got his dinner. He said it was skimpy. Then I told him our daughters volleyball tomorrow is far so I wouldn’t go and was going to my support group. No answer. Asked if his session went well. No answer. So I asked if he was giving me silent treatment. He said he didn’t know what to say and I’m like it was at least a yes or no question. But I’ll leave you alone then. Then he objected and proceeded to tell me how his individual therapist says we need to go to couples counseling. He was rude about it. And he’s told her I refuse. Well one he needs to recognize and address his abuse, lies, and cheating first. Two I’m sick of hearing how all he talks about in therapy is me. I asked if they had reached a plan on handling triggers. And that’s when he threw couples therapy at me. I asked if he’s addressed with her threatening to kill me and acting on it by swerving the car and the threatening to kill us both. Of course he hasn’t. There’s no help for him. He won’t even tell a therapist the whole truth. And now he denies that’s abusive. He won’t tell because he doesn’t want someone else to confirm it. And that’s only one incident. So instead of working on himself he’s using therapy to gain manipulation tactics. I also talked to two therapy practices about couples counseling and both refused because there is abuse involved. He knows this. But of course fails to tell his therapist this. And when I remind him of this he says I just want to be “right” and I’ll never think differently “the end”. Our daughter got home. And I was like fine- I accept that as your decision so quit yelling at me. He called me a “fucking bitch”. Interestingly my girl stays out of it usually but this she told him off for. I think she said she’d punch him or something if he ever called her the things he does me. He then tried to deny saying it “to” me and said he said it in his room to himself. To give my girl credit she doesn’t buy gaslighting and told him no you did not- you called her a fuckin bitch to her face as you went towards the hallway. He left then came back a minute later and apologized. Means nothing. I didn’t call him names or scream at him. I just told him to stop yelling at me. And his therapist seems to suck. He’s worse when he gets done. And lies to her to feed his narcissistic victim syndrome. She’s apparently not good enough to see through it. Wouldn’t a therapist stop and work on HIM and what makes him feel triggered rather than advise on a marriage she only knows one side of? He has said she knows he’s verbally abusive - though I’m sure he places some blame on me. I mean often I’m just sleeping in my room when he barges in to yell at me so surely I did something. Are therapists really that dense? Or did he get a bargain? Done.

Days are Numbered

1. Comes in my room on a weekend morning around 5am. He wakes me about halfway up and I roll over towards him and my knee touches his leg. About 30 seconds later he grumbled something and leaves. Later he accuses me of kicking him out of bed and also says “it’s not like you rolled your butt towards me”. What?! I said “so I rolled Towards you and that’s kicking you out?!”. He mumbled but had no explanation.

2. Saturday night my girl went to homecoming. I went to bed at 1030 but the dogs woke me several times. My daughter texted at 1am asking me to pick her up in a bit. Picked her up at 145 and got home after 2. I took half a sleeping pill as I needed a solid rest. So I slept late. My husband opened my door at 630. Stared at me then closed it quietly. He does this all the time - it’s unsettling at times. Opens my door again at 825 and says “what did you do stay up all night on your phone?”. No good morning. Always wants me to defend myself. No.

3. Sunday night. Not really in the mood for sex but go along so he won’t get mad. We had messed around the night before and neither one of us finished (did it the night before that too). So after an hour I was tired and told him I just wasn’t going to get there. We laid there for a bit. I put my hand on his arm. Then he said he’d go to his room. I told him to stay and sleep with me. He said I’d kick him out later anyways. Shake my head. I laid there. He put on his underwear. Then sat there and I reiterated he could sleep with me. The he said “why do u feel like you’re going to be on your phone the minute I leave”. So I replied “ok now you can fuckin leave and go to your room. You don’t know me at all”. So he went to his room. Comes back 5 minutes later and sits on my bed and starts in on how the only time I enjoy sex with him is when I’ve been drinking and at that point it could be anybody and doesn’t matter if it’s him. I reminded him of last week when we did it on a Wednesday straight. He said no I had drank. Which is wrong I hadn’t but he fashions it to suit his insecurities. And insult me backhandedly about doing anybody. I remind him that he never gets off with me - I always have to work a 45 minute hand job after we do it and even that hasn’t worked the last couple times. He says that’s not true, not always. Whatever. I don’t argue or defend . It’s too ridiculous.

4. Comes inside to get Dakota keys and they aren’t on the key peg. Says (not necessarily to me) “where the fuck are my keys”. Starts going off about people using his shit and don’t touch his shit. Says the key was taken off his key ring. I’m like I haven’t seen it. Did you look in the truck. Well this sets him off he starts ranting at me. I’m like “I didn’t touch your keys!”. He replies that I’m always touching his shit and “you did something fucking with them” . I’m like no I didn’t! Why the fuck would I do anything with the key? What purpose would anyone have for taking the key off the ring? That truck hasn’t even run!”. He says well he thinks I fuckin did something with it and I’m always touching his shit”. He rants on like this for a couple minutes. Also saying he’s gonna be like everyone else and not know anything “ I don’t know (think parody voice)”. Repeats it a couple times.I finally yell at him i didn’t touch your keys you dick” . End of that. He went outside to his shop. My daughter gets home and I ask her if she did anything with his key and she says yeah - last time she drove it she brought the keys in and put them in her room and kept forgetting to bring them out and hang back up. So I take the keys out to him and tell him she had them and he owed me an apology for accusing me of lying. He says “I never said you were lying”. After some back and forth his viewpoint was that he didn’t use the word “lying”. So saying he thinks I did something with his key after I said I hadn’t touched it isn’t saying I’m lying haha. I point it out. The he insincerely says since it’s such a big deal sorry. I said whatever and walked away. Abnormal sob he is. Later he comes in and apologizes all nice. Whatever. I’m not into the fight.

It's All About Him

 So my husband took Tuesday off because he was mad at his work. We ended up going to my daughters volleyball game together. Her car has been at the mechanics so we had to give her a ride home. My husband went out to smoke while I waited for her after the game. We came out and walked out towards where I had parked. My husband had moved the car but hadn't told either of us. My girl got pretty testy with me about walking around looking for it. And having to ride with us. Said she wanted her car. She's 17. I get it. It's not worth it to battle over stuff so I ignored it. We got in the car and she was pretty rude to him about moving without telling us. Of course he blew up about how could we have missed it when he was close to the gym door. And how he'd never do something nice for us again. |And he wouldn't go anywhere with us again. Matching with immature energy. Not to mention I didn't say anything so why was I being included in the "us"? I was consciously choosing to not inflame his battle. So we went to McDonalds. I asked if he wanted anything he said no. I gave my order and after I got done he changes his mind and says actually get me a double cheeseburger. As a side note this is his typical fear of missing out - even if he doesn't want anything he will still get something because of FOMO. Anyways I rubbed my head for a mere second - a very small sign of exasperation I admit to. But I didn't say anything and went on to add his order. As soon as I was done he started raging at me for my 'reaction'. I'm like "it's not that big a deal". He raged more til I finally said "why don't you just shut the fuck up. I barely reacted and I ordered what you wanted". He said fuck you or something and then he did shut up. I am not a doormat - any more. So home in silence. My daughter and I went to my room so she could study while he went to his with a slam. I waited 10 minutes or so then went back to his room to clear some stuff up. Mainly that our daughter was more frustrated with not having her car and the volleyball game and that's where her testiness originated not really about him moving the car. But his door was locked and when I knocked he was rude. So I retreated. Another side note he gets irate if I lock my door (which isnt often because of it) but he lock his door all the time - usually for porn though. And he clears his browsing history on Amazon every time too. Anyways he yelled something but I was like its fine. All good. Then went back to my room.

So fast forward to today. Last night we watched tv together. He tried to instigate a couple times but I was quiet and deflected in a monotone so nothing too much came of it. At one point he said I'd never change my opinion of him. Just tells me its still about him. It's only been a couple months since the last time he matched with women on FB dating and took selfies in his hoe and the bathroom for profile pics. Words are cheap for him. He did ask if I wanted to have sex. Even though I had half a tooth and filling fall out two days before a really rough morning fixing it at the dentist office. I felt very blah. And he knew my jaw hurt all day. Of note also is that he's been buying coke - and taking with him or hiding it. Which I find odd. And he looks strung out. And I mentioned the hiding last night but we didn't really discuss it. So this morning we were talking on the phone about what the mechanic said about our daughters car. Then I told him that I tried to talk to him the other night when she was rude to him to tell him it wasn't him but her frustrations and looking for my car had her focus on wanting her own car back. He's like "thats why I didn't say anything". What? He certainly did say something. He said a lot. I chose not to follow up this point however since he gaslights experiences. A big reason why I blog - so I don't get suckered by it anymore. He then went on to say he's tired of being a whipping boy for the two of us. I replied that one he is not a whipping boy. I didn't involve myself in the car moving words at all. He started talking over me before I could mention he's the one who yelled at me in the drive thru. But suddenly he started going on about how we had a a 'great' weekend and then 4 hours later I was posting a tiktok about what a piece of shit he is. And I answered how thats still all about him. Then I said 'you're really not working hard at this'. We then somehow got into arguing about why he's hiding coke. He bought two baggies. Neither are in his room. I asked he said he hid it so our daughter wouldn't accidentally see it. Then said he's only done lines with his boss, coworker and a couple on his own out of the other baggie. Then says the second one has never been out of his car. So I'm like you didn't hide it - you've taken two little bags of coke with you every day. Two different stories. So he hung up on me. He's not about to acknowledge or care how my tiktok shows how I feel or terrible things he's done. He's just concerned with people seeing him as a POS.. Its my story to share. If he didn't want me to share it he shouldn't have done it. Or the stories would be different. But he never addresses that. Texts me 20 minutes later and said he hung up accidentally. I don't reply. Calls me another 15 later to say the same. At the end he says "I do love you you know". The logic escapes me here because I am logical. And can see the forest for the trees. I didn't say it back.

Its Not Hard

 Todays post is more about observations of an experience. Keeping mindful to the undertones of what happens. Yesterday my husband took the day off because he was angry about the equipment he had to run at work. He's still mad about the dresser and previous days. I had to go into town and get gas and propane. I did only those things and he was already texting 'what taking you so long'. Who knows what goes on in his thought process. He has shared a post on facebook about being the man - that sets a good example for his sons and is the kind of man his daughter should find. I mean I admit this hit me wrong. I mean really? You don't defend me like the post said - you're the one I need defended from. I made a comment then realized it was on his page so I deleted it. Then I went to the original post and merely said the post forgot to include honesty and faithfulness within its insult to todays generation. He got a notification but couldn't find the comment so he got irate. Irate that I posted on the original post and not his and that he couldn't find it. After hounding me I finally told him what I commented. That got me called a bitch, drama queen etc. I said very little other than did he really want our daughter with a man who cheated on her over and over? I then went to my room. A few minutes later he barged in the door. It was locked but hadn't latched because its broken from him breaking it before. He immediately asked, "how many men do you message on Instagram? You sure have a lot of men with private profiles that follow you". Well for one...I don't follow them back. I don't even notice them...their posts don't show for me because I DON"T follow them! I didn't point that out because you can't logic with him. Also a 'lot' of men is apparently maybe 8 people. No - I don't message any men on IG and I said so. Then I immediately offer up my phone with instagram open and say here ya go - and hand it to him. He takes it and stands there going through my phone. I don't watch, supervise or show interest. I actually worked on a crossword puzzle book. After 15 minutes I finally say surely you've had enough time to go through my instagram messages. Yeah he says but continues to look at my phone. Then I hear tiktok. He watches two. One was about how sometimes I think about some of the women he cheated with. The ones that had short hair anyways. When I don't have short hair. And another about how he still hides his phone and keeps secrets - including the calculator app on his phone thats to hide texts and photos. He then threw my phone at me hitting me in the hip, said fuck you, and walked out. He tells me I'm being dramatic...but the only one reacting with anger is him. The observation is...all he is concerned with still is himself. He pretends to want to work it out but what he really wants is it to work for HIM. I did tell him he did those things. And he shouldn't have if he didn't want them shared. But its funny - it tells me a lot. Instead of saying..."i feel so bad that i've made you feel that way and I'll keep working hard to change that". He called me a bitch. Instead of offering up his phone - he called me a bitch. The very few times he has let me look at his phone he supervises and controls what I'm doing. He's worried I can find "it". whatever the numerous its are. Instead of working on being so squeaky clean it doesn't matter..he calls me a bitch. And he continuously seems to think I'm supposed to earn HIS trust when he's the liar and cheater in this marriage. So his work...is nothing. I've specifically told him his phone needs to be transparent. But he refuse unless MINE is - even though I didnt cheat! And even when I make it transparent he still doesn't. anyways staying aware used to be a battle. Not so hard any more. Just like his dick.

Answer free

 My husband moved his dresser. Because at the angle it was if you looked through his window you could see it. Of course you cant look through his window because he has his curtains clipped and tacked so there isnt the smallest gap. But because I called him out on replacing me with porn he thinks I peek through his window. I dont. But seems it would be easier either way to just not or at least be honest about it. He chooses neither. But I mentioned it and he lied. Then he got all mad on text when I asked why and denived it. I wasn't mad - -just said it was odd to me. But he started dropping F bombs and 'petty shit' 'petty drama' blah blah. Then he said he'd move it back so I could spy through his window. So i said ah...theres the truth that was so hard to get. Then he said he didn't 'intentionally' move it and told me to get a life. Did you just change your story lol...I asked. And did he 'accidentally' move it? He didn't answer - he called me a drama queen. Told me to fuck off. Told me to do something and said I took a bitch pill. When I responded calmly and logically just saying I asked a straightforward question he said he never moved the fukn dresser and that im so fukn petty. I only said he changed his story which was weird. Then he said hed spy through the window cuz he's sure I'm lying 'too'. Then he texted again cuz he didn't like that he used the word 'too'. A little slip. That idea is funny so I told him my curtains arent clipped, my tv is visible and in fact you could poke your head in my window with no screen lol. I also told him attacking me doesnt change what hes done or that he's not willing to put in the work to regain my trust. As if I didnt already know that.Then he said we had a great weekend ruined by my petty bitching. Which is interesting. The only thing about the weekend is that we had sex twice. We didn't do anything special. He talked endlessly about himself, his job and his truck and parts. He was unable to stay hard one night and didn't cum because he can't with me. And round two he got hard but still didn't cum. Both nights almost 2 hours of trying. We were interrupted by the phone - but only after already going at it for a couple hours. He also insulted me at the store saying I never help pu groceries in. Actually  i do and in this instance I said sorry IN ADVANCE as I tried to get a pizza order in. Then he insulted me. Disrespected me at least. Guess we have different concepts of good. Oh wait it was good for him because it was all about his ego all weekend. No connection. But I get it. No worries. No cares. No more questions. No answers. So I ended it and went to the only type of convo he wants . The weather. Said it’s windy out. Hoped it wasn’t too dusty for him. When he got home I had his dinner ready - I mean he gets mad if I don’t. I told him his dinner was ready and  in the microwave. No reply. He went to heat it and again I said nicely “you shouldn’t have to heat too long just a little since I just got it done”. No reply. Asked if he was told why they sent him a junk hoe. Got a mumbled no. Silence. Said one word. “Thanks”. (For dinner). Then he went to his room and hasn’t been out since. Fine. I can do that. Honestly the silent treatment is better than being yelled at and called names. So I guess it’s gonna be a two way street we stand in.

Big Word

 Welcome t Thursday. The day of accumulated duplicitous behavior by him that’s downright appalling. And the lying then trying to convert the ‘blame’ to me. Because I am unwilling to risk abuse to call him out on it. The money he took for cocaine he claims he spent on gas. However I know he took my deering to work with him this morning to grind cocaine because it was gone.  He was coming to our daughters volleyball after work and instead of coming straight to the game stopped at home. Ostensibly to ride his street bike. Some priority there. He missed the first game of the match. And he seemed wired and sweaty. I stayed for varsity and he came home so about an hour before me. He was in his shop so I checked and magically the deering was back. And it had coke in it. When he came in I asked about the money he’d ragged on me about and that’s when he said he spent on gas not coke. Said he’d done some lines with his coworkers. I then told him to put the deering back in the bathroom before it got grimed up from his pot particles and ashes. He got pretty testy about it. I said I bet if I went and got it it wouldn’t be clean. He said no..now he said they ‘gave’ him some. And insists he wants the deering tomorrow too. Chasing his lies around. He also turned off my computer again. To hide the porn. Then after all this he says I can come to bed with him if I want. After a week of silent treatment, rudeness and lies. But acts like I’m the problem because I don’t want to come to bed with him. Confident his lies are solid he can act righteously indignant. Creep.

The List

 Ok so this one I'm just gonna call like it is and say its a list of grievances. A reminder that a persona is just that. And that its always just an alternate form of manipulation.

To begin with I forgot to notate that about 10 days ago we had sex. The very next day when he came home from work he hugged me. I hugged back. But you have to understand the length of time this goes on. After a minute I start to squirm. Later that night out of nowhere hes like "why do you act like you hate touching me". I didn't respond so as not to get verbally shredded by him but my thought process was...we just had sex. I hugged you. I mean its just never enough? That was a Wednesday or Thursday. On Saturday sex again. He couldn't maintain a full erection. After a huge amount of labor including 30 minutes of pulling he was still partially flaccid. It was 1am and I gave up. It had been over a couple hours. I wanted to rest and told him I needed at least an hour. 10 minutes later the grinding and groping just wouldnt stop so I finally got up after 20 minutes of it and went to my room. 15 minutes later he was voraciously consuming porn sites. Because that's what it takes for him. |When I said something days later about porn doing what I couldn't he got all bent out of shape claiming he didn't watch any porn and hasn't for a long time. I named one of the websites and he claimed to have never heard of it. But he also said he'd be sure and look it up. I told him I actually saw that he was looking at porn. Again the righteous attitude even though he was lying. Monday was his therapy. And since I didn't go along with him telling me what to do based on his therapist telling him what to tell me we should do he's been quite the piece of work. Tuesday morning he barged in my room at 5am saying he needed money. I told him there was $20 on my dresser. In a very rude tone he replied that he needed more that he need 50 and that he had told his co worker he was going to get 50 in cocaine and he wasn't going to be 'that' guy who didn't. I was saying I thought I had more in my purse but he talked over me saying 'fuck it then I just won't get any'...as if I cared. Then he stomped out so I threw the 20 i had and a couple ones on my nightstand. I was still half asleep. He stomped out of the house got in his car and drove off. A few minutes later I hear the car come back and he comes in and barges in my room again. he says 'you know what I will take that money and fuck it I'll get some for me". I replied whatever. That night I went to my girls volleyball over an hour away. He texted me about getting him food (not about her game). I didn't reply but I was thinking - he's at home. Theres food there. He's gonna wait til 10pm to eat just because he won't cook? And he'd rather have fast food? He's actually answered yes to that question before.  Regardless I did buy him a burger. But he was closed in his room. Watching porn again. So Wednesday our daughter had basketball. Again an hour away. He went last week so he knew it started at 8. he got home at 630 and I said Hi only to get a grunt in reply. Then he took a shower,. My daughter called and says you should have already been here to pick me up (I hadn't clarified the ride situation). So I tell my husband I gotta leave to pick her up. "Can't I even take a fucking shower" was his reply. Now again I keep my thoughts in my head -I've learned speaking any thoughts is dangerous. So I'm thinking...you already took a shower? He was literally done and out of the shower just not dressed. I said well she doesn't want to be late. Then I went and got my purse. Looked around fro my sunglasses. Basically wasted several minutes. When I went back he still wasn't dressed. I said so I guess you're not going? "no, I'm not fucking going. Buy me something to eat while you're in". So I left. When I picked my girl up she said he texted her and and said he would have come but I was 'rushing him". To give my daughter credit she told him no, it was her that was rushing me. He didn't apologize to either of us. And I told my daughter I appreciated that but I didn't care and she didn't have to defend me. Again we got home late. i didn't buy food - neither of us wanted to stop anywhere. And the burger was still available from Tuesday haha. But he was closed up in his room again anyways. He'd spent a couple hours earlier consuming porn - al lot of it teen butt porn. I draw the line even harder when he's looking at teen porn and has a teen daughter in the house. Disgusting pig. And he wonders why I don't like touching that much?? So its Thursday now. I haven't talked to him other than last nights grunt and the shower thing since Monday. This morning I went in his room and he's turned his TV and dresser to be more parallel to his window because he thinks I'm seeing him watching porn by spying through his window from the front yard. As if I would spy around outside. Either way going to that length to hide it is gross anyways. So far from improving he's getting worse again. Probably because the therapy is a means to manipulate rather than actually improve. A tiny bit of the outburst temper is lower - for a whole couple weeks. He thinks he's better. Actually before his therapy session he asked for my input. When I gave it to him he then turned it around on me. Typical. Anyways in addition to rearranging furniture for his porn use he also took a cocaine grinder with him to work today. I'm sure that will add to this list later.

Thoughtless Therapy

 So my husband started "therapy". Of course its not one who specializes in anger management, impulse control, porn addiction, abusive behavior etc.. Anxiety, depression and addiction with focus on adhd. Because hes latching onto adhd as an excuse for his piss poor behavior and lack of integrity and empathy. He had his 2nd session yesterday. Or you could call it his latest manipulation plan. He's doing virtual visits so he's in his room for his sessions. I don't pay attention. After his session however he came out and told me his therapist thinks we should list our love languages on a piece of paper and blah blah. I say blah because my head went blank at this audacity. And i have no doubt she said this. Subtly manipulated by my husband who instead of concentrating on his problems is deflecting to some warped combined responsibility. And this 'therapist' has not even delved into his psyche and is certainly not privy to whats gone on in our marriage. And if he did tell her he has cheated multiple times what kind of subpar therapist thinks love language is applicable at session 2? In a marriage which she is only seeing one party. Nor should he be set up by his individual counselor to tell me what to do. The audacity just plain pissed me off. I told him shes not my therapist and she's not our marriage counselor. I didn't say it but at this point I shouldn't even be in the conversation yet as they are supposed to be working on him! I wasnt friendly but I wasn't mean. But I was firm. Of course he got mad and said 'way to be open' and stomped off. My daughter told me it made sense - I never came out of my group or counselor and bossed him around with something they said - because I was working on me. Then she said it makes her mad because it could but won't help him because he lies. He told his counselor that I'm lazy. And that it doesn't really 'bother' him but he doesn't say it in the 'nicest' way. She said it pisses her off because what he really does is scream at me that I'm lazy and useless. Not that I need to defend myself but his basis of my 'laziness' is that I don't work - or at least go to a job. But nothing would get cleaned, no cats/dogs/goats would be fed, no bills paid, no insurance taken care of, no college funding, no 4 bedrooms remodeled, no caulking on the roof, no trash taken out or picked up, no dishes done etc etc. And I worked outside the home for 6 years and have only been home since I was laid off due to covid. And I've made more money on unemployment and gotten more college aid to the tune of 5200.00 because of it as well. And a decent counselor would have recognized that thinking and calling your wife lazy is a red flag of disrespect. Probably should have delved more into that way of thinking. Ugh. I just don't want to deal with his lack of depth thinking hes doing something with this therapist that cant think but can quack.

Snide

Tonight when my husband got home the first thing he said “where did you end up going today?” in a lightly suspicious tone. “I took ourdaughters permission slip in to her”. Then I added “what- you chalk mark my tires?!”. A bit snide a bit joking. He melted down. Told me he didn’t like that snide fucking remark. I admitted it was a smart comment. But he got angry and yelled at me for about a minute. I told him I don’t make a scene about him being snide. Later - same evening. He tells me he wish I’d make a sandwich for his lunch once in awhile - even “out of the goodness of your heart- oh maybe that’s why you don’t”. My reply: “ oh that was a snide remark wasn’t it?” Then I said maybe I should get all mad oh no I won’t have a meltdown oh cuz it’s not that big a deal. I chucked lightly on my merry way. He being the hypocrite he is of course got mad because no matter which side of it he’s on it’s always my fault eh? What’s good for the goose isn’t good for the gander in his warped view

Laborious Day

Today is Tuesday but Im going to start with no fun Sunday first. First thing in the morning he sniped at me about not having his motorcycle registration done. He did ask a couple weeks ago but money is short. Not too short for his pot and cigarettes. And he never has any concern about the mortgage being paid. I mean I get it. He wants it done. I cant do it anyways because the bikes not in my name. He also sniped at me about groceries - apparently we have none (not true). At least that nagging was short.  I drew equity money for a car - a cheap old one but since ive been stranded for a month and had to rent a car twice now we have to have some back up. We went to Longmont to look at one. We were talking about the difference between the one we looked at and the one he drives. I opened the glovebox to look at the owners book and he had a fit. He had his klx dirtbike title and street bike title in there - which even a few weeks ago the street bike title was in the folder with the rest of our vehicle titles. Who knows why. My gut says he thinks its some kind of asset hiding if he has the titles which is lame. I dont hide any titles. And no matter whose name is on the title we both still own it so whats the point? Just him thinking something thats illogical. Anyways when the title showed he had a fit and yelled at me to "quit making a mess" so I put the one piece of paper and one book back the way it was. He opened the box and yelled at me some more for making a mess.I finally said "fine, I'm sorry I ruined that title" even though not a single tiny thing happened to it. I was slightly annoyed but kept it to myself as just not worthy or annoyed enough to care. He then said we should buy another Dakota. I don't agree but I know I'm not allowed to have my own opinion so I elected to say nothing. So then he accused me of pouting and not talking to him. I replied no i just dont know what you expect me to say. So he ragged on me some more saying I was just being a bitch and finally, after being verbally cornered I shared my opinion of his 'pussy wagon' that we call it. He said "I'll just call our son and see if thats what you guys call it" I'm like "what does our son have to do with it". Apparently he took we to mean our younger son because thats the only one whose opinion matters haha. I said me and our girl and friends. He said well you guys dont matter - no surprise ther. But he still had an ego collapse about it. He then proceeded to drive like a maniac tailgating and raging. When I grabbed the door he demeaned me for being scared while he tailgates at 65mph. No consideration I told him and that ended that. And any further conversation for the rest of the way thankfully.

So we get to Monday night. I check my phone to see the time and see its still fairly early so I put it down and turn on the tv. I pick it up for a minute looked at tiktok and set back down - and he comes in the living room and tells me I don't have to set down because of him. I say "I didn't". He says yes you did you set it down because you saw me. I said I didnt even know you were there nor did I care. Bullshit he says - you heard me. Ugh I didnt nor would I care. Why would I? I'm not using my phone for the same things he uses his for. This went on a few minutes but I didn't get mad. I actually chuckled a little and told him whatever "sounds fun starting ridiculous bs every day". He stomped off and slammed his door. End of Monday.

Today is Tuesday. I'm not mad or upset but not inclined to really talk to him. I know I cant talk with him as he wont listen and it will become about him. So he calls in the morning. I answer because not answering brings his wrath and raging so its easier to answer than be bullied. I didn't say much though. After a minute he asks "what's the matter, you sound grumpy". Me "nothing". Him "talk to me - are you mad at me?". "no" I answer. "well you sound grumpy". Me "I'm not really grumpy I'm tired" (meaning tired of your bs not physically tired. His classic answer: "me too". I was like really - if you dont give a shit why ask? all you did was instantly make it about you without asking,. Then hes like whats your problem..what the fuck...whats wrong with you blah blah. Then he hung up. Then he texts and says 'sorry I didnt mean to upset you". I didnt answer but - I wasn't upset and wasn't the one that hung up. His gaslighting isn't working and he can't take it.  So then he gets home tonight. Same thing- I'm not rude - cooked dinner, kissed him hello, put on a movie. But of course in the usual fashion he pushes the issue because I'm not pretending all is perfect. He continues with the whole what wrong/I didn't do anything them. Then he kept asking me to talk until i say "really? so like yesterday never happened?". And until I said what happened he really seemed to be in a place where he didn't recall. Once I did though he turned it instantly. I told him I'm tired of him treating me like I'm the one who cheated and lied and that I don't use my phone for the same things he does and that we are not the same. Because he lacks any empathy he didn't listen. He just excused and blamed me - I'm on my phone so he's suspicious. Projection. I told him its funny because hes the one thats used his phone (even just 2 weeks ago) to look at women, dating profiles and set up sneaking out to go fuck some woman in her car atht the end of our rural driveway nand yet I don't ask or think much when hes on his. Because I dont have a reason to project. Anyways there is so much more sociopathic vibes from him in these conversations and a complete lack of logical or empathetic thinking. Labor day weekend was definitely laborious.