Laborious Day

Today is Tuesday but Im going to start with no fun Sunday first. First thing in the morning he sniped at me about not having his motorcycle registration done. He did ask a couple weeks ago but money is short. Not too short for his pot and cigarettes. And he never has any concern about the mortgage being paid. I mean I get it. He wants it done. I cant do it anyways because the bikes not in my name. He also sniped at me about groceries - apparently we have none (not true). At least that nagging was short.  I drew equity money for a car - a cheap old one but since ive been stranded for a month and had to rent a car twice now we have to have some back up. We went to Longmont to look at one. We were talking about the difference between the one we looked at and the one he drives. I opened the glovebox to look at the owners book and he had a fit. He had his klx dirtbike title and street bike title in there - which even a few weeks ago the street bike title was in the folder with the rest of our vehicle titles. Who knows why. My gut says he thinks its some kind of asset hiding if he has the titles which is lame. I dont hide any titles. And no matter whose name is on the title we both still own it so whats the point? Just him thinking something thats illogical. Anyways when the title showed he had a fit and yelled at me to "quit making a mess" so I put the one piece of paper and one book back the way it was. He opened the box and yelled at me some more for making a mess.I finally said "fine, I'm sorry I ruined that title" even though not a single tiny thing happened to it. I was slightly annoyed but kept it to myself as just not worthy or annoyed enough to care. He then said we should buy another Dakota. I don't agree but I know I'm not allowed to have my own opinion so I elected to say nothing. So then he accused me of pouting and not talking to him. I replied no i just dont know what you expect me to say. So he ragged on me some more saying I was just being a bitch and finally, after being verbally cornered I shared my opinion of his 'pussy wagon' that we call it. He said "I'll just call our son and see if thats what you guys call it" I'm like "what does our son have to do with it". Apparently he took we to mean our younger son because thats the only one whose opinion matters haha. I said me and our girl and friends. He said well you guys dont matter - no surprise ther. But he still had an ego collapse about it. He then proceeded to drive like a maniac tailgating and raging. When I grabbed the door he demeaned me for being scared while he tailgates at 65mph. No consideration I told him and that ended that. And any further conversation for the rest of the way thankfully.

So we get to Monday night. I check my phone to see the time and see its still fairly early so I put it down and turn on the tv. I pick it up for a minute looked at tiktok and set back down - and he comes in the living room and tells me I don't have to set down because of him. I say "I didn't". He says yes you did you set it down because you saw me. I said I didnt even know you were there nor did I care. Bullshit he says - you heard me. Ugh I didnt nor would I care. Why would I? I'm not using my phone for the same things he uses his for. This went on a few minutes but I didn't get mad. I actually chuckled a little and told him whatever "sounds fun starting ridiculous bs every day". He stomped off and slammed his door. End of Monday.

Today is Tuesday. I'm not mad or upset but not inclined to really talk to him. I know I cant talk with him as he wont listen and it will become about him. So he calls in the morning. I answer because not answering brings his wrath and raging so its easier to answer than be bullied. I didn't say much though. After a minute he asks "what's the matter, you sound grumpy". Me "nothing". Him "talk to me - are you mad at me?". "no" I answer. "well you sound grumpy". Me "I'm not really grumpy I'm tired" (meaning tired of your bs not physically tired. His classic answer: "me too". I was like really - if you dont give a shit why ask? all you did was instantly make it about you without asking,. Then hes like whats your problem..what the fuck...whats wrong with you blah blah. Then he hung up. Then he texts and says 'sorry I didnt mean to upset you". I didnt answer but - I wasn't upset and wasn't the one that hung up. His gaslighting isn't working and he can't take it.  So then he gets home tonight. Same thing- I'm not rude - cooked dinner, kissed him hello, put on a movie. But of course in the usual fashion he pushes the issue because I'm not pretending all is perfect. He continues with the whole what wrong/I didn't do anything them. Then he kept asking me to talk until i say "really? so like yesterday never happened?". And until I said what happened he really seemed to be in a place where he didn't recall. Once I did though he turned it instantly. I told him I'm tired of him treating me like I'm the one who cheated and lied and that I don't use my phone for the same things he does and that we are not the same. Because he lacks any empathy he didn't listen. He just excused and blamed me - I'm on my phone so he's suspicious. Projection. I told him its funny because hes the one thats used his phone (even just 2 weeks ago) to look at women, dating profiles and set up sneaking out to go fuck some woman in her car atht the end of our rural driveway nand yet I don't ask or think much when hes on his. Because I dont have a reason to project. Anyways there is so much more sociopathic vibes from him in these conversations and a complete lack of logical or empathetic thinking. Labor day weekend was definitely laborious.