It's All About Him

 So my husband took Tuesday off because he was mad at his work. We ended up going to my daughters volleyball game together. Her car has been at the mechanics so we had to give her a ride home. My husband went out to smoke while I waited for her after the game. We came out and walked out towards where I had parked. My husband had moved the car but hadn't told either of us. My girl got pretty testy with me about walking around looking for it. And having to ride with us. Said she wanted her car. She's 17. I get it. It's not worth it to battle over stuff so I ignored it. We got in the car and she was pretty rude to him about moving without telling us. Of course he blew up about how could we have missed it when he was close to the gym door. And how he'd never do something nice for us again. |And he wouldn't go anywhere with us again. Matching with immature energy. Not to mention I didn't say anything so why was I being included in the "us"? I was consciously choosing to not inflame his battle. So we went to McDonalds. I asked if he wanted anything he said no. I gave my order and after I got done he changes his mind and says actually get me a double cheeseburger. As a side note this is his typical fear of missing out - even if he doesn't want anything he will still get something because of FOMO. Anyways I rubbed my head for a mere second - a very small sign of exasperation I admit to. But I didn't say anything and went on to add his order. As soon as I was done he started raging at me for my 'reaction'. I'm like "it's not that big a deal". He raged more til I finally said "why don't you just shut the fuck up. I barely reacted and I ordered what you wanted". He said fuck you or something and then he did shut up. I am not a doormat - any more. So home in silence. My daughter and I went to my room so she could study while he went to his with a slam. I waited 10 minutes or so then went back to his room to clear some stuff up. Mainly that our daughter was more frustrated with not having her car and the volleyball game and that's where her testiness originated not really about him moving the car. But his door was locked and when I knocked he was rude. So I retreated. Another side note he gets irate if I lock my door (which isnt often because of it) but he lock his door all the time - usually for porn though. And he clears his browsing history on Amazon every time too. Anyways he yelled something but I was like its fine. All good. Then went back to my room.

So fast forward to today. Last night we watched tv together. He tried to instigate a couple times but I was quiet and deflected in a monotone so nothing too much came of it. At one point he said I'd never change my opinion of him. Just tells me its still about him. It's only been a couple months since the last time he matched with women on FB dating and took selfies in his hoe and the bathroom for profile pics. Words are cheap for him. He did ask if I wanted to have sex. Even though I had half a tooth and filling fall out two days before a really rough morning fixing it at the dentist office. I felt very blah. And he knew my jaw hurt all day. Of note also is that he's been buying coke - and taking with him or hiding it. Which I find odd. And he looks strung out. And I mentioned the hiding last night but we didn't really discuss it. So this morning we were talking on the phone about what the mechanic said about our daughters car. Then I told him that I tried to talk to him the other night when she was rude to him to tell him it wasn't him but her frustrations and looking for my car had her focus on wanting her own car back. He's like "thats why I didn't say anything". What? He certainly did say something. He said a lot. I chose not to follow up this point however since he gaslights experiences. A big reason why I blog - so I don't get suckered by it anymore. He then went on to say he's tired of being a whipping boy for the two of us. I replied that one he is not a whipping boy. I didn't involve myself in the car moving words at all. He started talking over me before I could mention he's the one who yelled at me in the drive thru. But suddenly he started going on about how we had a a 'great' weekend and then 4 hours later I was posting a tiktok about what a piece of shit he is. And I answered how thats still all about him. Then I said 'you're really not working hard at this'. We then somehow got into arguing about why he's hiding coke. He bought two baggies. Neither are in his room. I asked he said he hid it so our daughter wouldn't accidentally see it. Then said he's only done lines with his boss, coworker and a couple on his own out of the other baggie. Then says the second one has never been out of his car. So I'm like you didn't hide it - you've taken two little bags of coke with you every day. Two different stories. So he hung up on me. He's not about to acknowledge or care how my tiktok shows how I feel or terrible things he's done. He's just concerned with people seeing him as a POS.. Its my story to share. If he didn't want me to share it he shouldn't have done it. Or the stories would be different. But he never addresses that. Texts me 20 minutes later and said he hung up accidentally. I don't reply. Calls me another 15 later to say the same. At the end he says "I do love you you know". The logic escapes me here because I am logical. And can see the forest for the trees. I didn't say it back.