My Turn for Epiphany

 I’ve felt this your years but never formulated it before in its simplest yet deepest form. Though I know there’s nothing to be gained from it I still shared it with my husband. There is always that small chance that he will glean a small grain of salt from it and carry that to his new life:

“The greatest gift I have given you is that I have never chosen another man over you. The greatest disservice you have done me is that you always choose other women over me”

Whether it was pornography of women, emailing them, texting them or fucking them invariably every time that is in fact choosing them. That is my marriage simplified. Not so much an epiphany but more of a descriptive term that I felt deeply. I requested no reply and told him I was glad he found his mate - and I meant it.

Moving on though there was one other conversation that is so absurd it must be shared. When we discussed his girlfriend our issue surfaced slightly. What it came down to is that he stated he wouldn’t have a girlfriend if I still made his lunch, dinner and did his laundry. The ignorance and lack of intelligence is blatant in everything about this not to mention that it’s a self serving lie but I’ll PowerPoint it anyways. 1. I responded that it was ridiculous that he would not only yardstick these chores but use them as blackmail “I’ll cheat if you don’t do them”. The absurdity is mind boggling. 2. I stopped making his lunches because he bitched about how I made them or what I put in them. 3. I stopped cooking dinner every night and making his lunches AFTER he chose other women and because of it. 4. I stopped doing his laundry because he verbally abused me over his socks - not the first time but the last time he verbally abused me over laundry. Lastly I still cook dinner several nights a week but sometimes he’s there and sometimes he’s at her house. Best part - he then told me “she said she would make me lunch and dinner and do those things for me”. The audacity never ceases to amaze. I was like yeah - if you cheated lied and verbally, emotionally and sometimes even physically abused her would she? Didn’t say it though - it’s irrelevant. I did say she must be a lowlife and he jumped to her defense - “no she’s not she’s been through some shit too and that judgemental you don’t even know her”. My response: “good people don’t fuck married men. They tell them move out file for divorce then get your life together then we can be together”. Like water over a ducks back this depth holds no water for him. But it does for me. And I’ve been through some shit in my life too and he’s part of the shit I’ve been through.