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 Hmm so I seemingly placed a large incident in my minds back burner. In June I took my younger son who is 19 and my 15 yr old daughter to Montana to visit my stepdad. We also picked up a truck he gifted to my son which we drove back to Colorado. It was a great trip. We had many enjoyable moments. My husband is at a point where daily he voices a need to go out and get drunk. He also occasionally insults me for not having or voicing this desire. As a side note while we partied once in awhile in our 30’s going to bars and weekly drinking was not our lifestyle so his desire for this as he’s started voicing in the last 3-4 years is a change. Anyways I leave him to it. It’s often accompanied by cheating - which of course he did when all was great between us or at least I thought it was. I figured he would date and drink all weekend - he says that’s what he wants. So my kids and I piled in my sons gifted truck and headed home from northern Montana. A third of the way home I start getting texts and calls. The texts are about how he’s bored. Then multiple calls which I don’t answer as we were enjoying old faithful in Yellowstone. Then a text saying he needs to hear that I love him. Then one about how he’s realized we need to love and respect each other. Next text is how he needs to talk to me about health issues. More calls. Then “I’m not good right now”. Then he says he’s having panic attacks. A voicemail that he needs to talk about problems. Finally I decide to call back once Old Faithful was done. Once he answered he immediately began chattering in panic about having panic attacks. And how he had an epiphany about everything and knows what “we” need to do. And how his “epiphany” has changed him and his life. To be honest this isn’t the type of word he would utilize so in the back of my mind I’m wondering where he got the idea. Anyways he went on and on about the panic, the epiphany, an abscessed tooth (wasn’t). I  told him just because he thinks he had an epiphany and something changed for him didn’t mean it did for me. Maybe it could but we needed to talk first. I also told him it would be ok and just take some deep breaths. Again told him it would be okay. And that though I wasn’t in the same mindset as him with time it was possible if he stuck with it over time.Then it came out. He did a bunch of crank. Probably panicked because he hooked up with some random chick. He was high and on erection pills (which affect your blood flow). And he didn’t have an epiphany. And the panic attacks were from snorting too much crank. It was literally disillusioning. When we got home the next day he even went to the kids to tell them he did coke - which he didn’t he was still was trying to make himself look better but it was crank. He played the victim of being sad, upset and tried to induce pity. Do I even need to tell you that within a few days since he wasn’t instantly placed into revered status and since my daughter and I were not in awe and impressed with this “new” husband/dad that he immediately went back to being an abusive self centered attacker? No surprise at all. He needs to google the word epiphany.  Dictionary.com not sure he can spell dictionary.