Pieces

 Where do I even begin to explain what seems to be sociopathic narcissism? It’s hard for regular people to wrap their heads around it - including me. I’ll just toss out random incidents and thoughts for others to discern affinity or familiarity with. 

When I managed to place a call to his “girlfriend” I told her she was a skank who should quit fucking other people’s husbands. And if a man tells her he’s married she shouldn’t give him her number. She said my husband pursued her - as if this cleared her moral turpitude and culpability for fucking a married guy. She told me I needed God in my life. This amazing absolute irony and massive hypocrisy of someone who is knowingly fucking a married guy drops right into being so stupid it’s hilarious. She also told me I should take care of my husbands “business”. And that he’s a great guy. Ok well my “husband” (a loose term) needs to take care of MY business. I like business but not with someone verbally and physically abusive. And business always seems to hurt his back or piss him off for a multitude of reasons. Second what “God” friendly bitch invalidates a homemaker? Oh right - one who believes everything a married man tells her - including that he hasn’t had sexual or a good marriage in 15 years? So he not only picks ugly hypocrites he picks dumb ones as well. She knew he was lying to me so how did that make him a good guy? How stupid. I do have a job and am quite proud of it - from raising kids, every practice, every planned birthday, every school event, all the bills, insurance, finances. All the cleaning, cooking and home improvements. Substantial cash from dog breeding as well. Her words were stupid and made her look the joke she is inside and out.

One day my daughter and I were talking about a girl who had her long hair cut off and my husband piped in how much he hated short hair - in fact he’s said this numerous times. Mine is 4 or 5 inches past my shoulders. But we immediately laughed and told him that was bullshit as his gf has very thin hair less than 3” long! Again with the hypocrisy. He backpedaled quickly and I’ll admit to some inner entertainment.

He’s such a “good guy” that as soon as I busted him he dumped her. So the good guy used her for supply and as soon as it was tainted he dumped her - but since she’s clearly analytically challenged I wonder if she realizes how not good guy behavior that is. Not to me or her.  Of course he said had to go to her to do it which I found unacceptable. When he left - again making his continually bad choices - I left too. Went to Walmart. When I got home he was mad that I didn’t wait at home for him to get back from his gf! Ridiculous right? I told him he made choices I couldn’t accept and got angry at him at which point he said he now wasn’t sure what he wanted. Translation is if I dare to set boundaries or show emotion then he wants the skank and if I “behave” he wants me. Still not acceptable. And in fact he just drove down the road and hung out - he didn't really break up with her - he just stopped seeing her but didn't stop messaging her. Always the trusting fool I actually believed he broke up with her at first. I have to come to terms with being too loving.

At one point he told me he didn’t know why he treated me the way he did and he needs to treat me the way he treats his girlfriends - the obtuse lack of depth or intelligence in this statement is astounding. I will only accept being treated like ME - a deserving giving generous to a fault special lady.

After pushing the strife down he has no clue how wounds fester. Never will as he’ll never try. Today the verbal abuse while mild is still creeping in. I lightly push a car door shut and the weight makes it close harder so he snipes at me to not “fucking slam the door”. He says he’s driving 70 feet to the other side of a parking lot and I say oh well I’ll just walk and he says “well I’m fucking driving so do whatever the fuck you’re gonna fucking do and close my fucking door “. I mildly told him he was being unnecessarily mean and stepped calmly away. 

His back was hurting and he said he hates everything about his life. Called me a bitch. Ranted under his breath for a half hour. Said he was suicidal. 

We were at a gas station and he commented on a man that was in the next car and I told him yeah he said he loved the color of my hair and that I was still a young lady. My husband could have said “because you are” but that’s laughable. What he said was well isn’t that just nice for you - with that edge to his tone.

We were watching my daughters softball camp when he decided to tell me “I really like that gals hair. I don’t know why but I really like it and the color”. Wtf? I replied - yes that’s what people tell me about mine but I’m glad I don’t have to worry about roots. Basically stuff it.

He said a dirt bike he’s thinking of buying has a title. Later he asked if I needed to write up a bill of sale and I replied “I thought it had a title - as long as he signs that over we won’t need a bill of sale”. Which for an unknown reason pissed him off and he said whatever he’d fucking do it himself.

Later he asked if I was going to look at the dirt bike with him and I said well I don’t have to and that I don’t know anything about them. And he replied “what about the fucking title what if I do it wrong I don’t wanna fucking hear it from you”. I just let the cussing and bullying slide by on that one.

At dinner with my son and daughter my son was telling us about a documentary where a man who was cheating on his wife went home slept with his wife for the first time in months then took her and their kids and killed them. My husbands comment : “you hear that? Remember that Jenn” - threats.

He was driving and went to make a left turn. It was a double turn and he was on the inside lane. He wasn’t paying attention and veered into the far lane over halfway and the car next to him honked so he corrected back into his lane. For the next 4 or 5 minutes he went on about what a dick the guy was and what an ass he was to honk at him and how he would never honk at someone like that. The last part is true - he wouldn’t honk because he flips people off, screams at them , threatens them and tries to get them to pull over and fight. 

While we were not sexually active for 4 to 5 months because I would not have sex while being verbally abused and lied to he was taking a variety of erection aid pills and masturbating to porn involving such sites as jerkmate and transvestites on pornhub in addition to fucking another woman and trying to with another. Over the years he’s often had increasing difficulty achieving orgasm during sex and also many times remains partially soft. It became exhausting to have to hand job him for 30 to 40 minutes after sex.