Karma

So last Monday exactly a week ago my husband was in another car accident. Not hurt badly but relevant to why he stayed home from work all week. On Friday when I answered my phone at one point he was berating me for not answering and I told him I was working on putting some yard sale stuff away. "good. I'm tired of fucking looking at that shit" he said unkindly. I put some stuff in the back of my car to donate.  On Monday I didn't answer the first call because again I was doing chores - I am not tied to my phone. Again I was berated. I remained unreactive and in this dramatic situation I could even understand his behavior so I went straight into practical problem solving such as texting insurance etc to take some of that off of him. I got him an appointment with a chiropractor for Tuesday. He had some radiant heat panels he planned to sell and set up a meeting with the guy before the chiropractor. When he went out to load them he came back in the house and launched into yelling at me for having 'shit' in the back of my car and how was he going to 'fucking' load his panels with all that fckn shit in there. It went on for a couple minutes. When he finally took a small breath I said that its not a big deal and I would unload it and immediately went out and did so. When I came back in the house he went out to load them and when he was done said he had room for the panels and the stuff and did I want him to put the stuff back in. No apology for screaming at me for 2 minutes over nothing. So he loaded it back in and we headed to the chiropractor. He had set up meeting the guy half a block away and we got there and waited but the guy was late so we had to head to his appointment. Which pissed him off. He messaged and told the guy to meet us in a different spot a quarter block away but there was no parking and that wasn't where the chiropractor was at. I offered to meet the guy and take care of it but all of it infuriated him. And he began loudly berating me because he had to message the guy again. This continued all the way into the chiro office and as he checked in I finally said that's enough. If you want to me to meet him text me and I walked out. I did end up meeting the guy and guess what? He didn't end up wanting them. So all that and they didn't sell. After his appointment since I am not a doormat anymore I told him that's what karma is. He said I should have a bunch coming. I answered for what? And anyways he is my karma. Bad karma. When we got home he ranted about how he didn't have a vehicle and while I understand his frustration in this situation even though his ranting was partly directed at berating me. I didn't react but it certainly wasn't my fault! Wednesday and Thursday was more of the same. Berate me in the morning then ask for sex late evening. Then get attitude when I don’t show enthusiasm. I watched a two hour movie while he was on his phone. Didn't say anything. I then was messaging someone about rehoming a kitten and instantly he asks what are you doing? who you talking to? You're always on your phone. blah blah. This is constant. Every time. In this case I told him I'm sick of it. He had just been on his phone over 2 hours and I told him the difference is I don't say anything. Also I'm not always on my phone - he falls asleep or is on his phone every time he watches a movie in the living room -though he spends 60% of his time watching tv in his room. And 25% watching porn. He went with the whole "I'm just asking" theme even though his tone is accusatory most of the time. I said well I don't do that to you and I have more reason. And I asked if every time our daughter, or a coworker or ANYONE is on their phone around him if he asks what they're doing? No, of course not. So don't normalize it. It's more of his bullying to make me earn trust when he's the one that's done dating apps, cheated, called escorts etc.. I am done being bullied and demeaned. Yesterday our tenant came over and needed a ride to the emergency room. He had already said he wasn't going with me to drop off a kitten and some team dinner food to my daughter. I told the tenant I couldn't as I was on my way out but my husband could. There was a short discussion and my husband said “so I have to”. I said “well you don’t HAVE to” and I offered to take them when I got back. When we got in the house my husband proceeded to have a meltdown screaming at me for volunteering him - I told him he could tell them no. That I’d told them I could later. But he was super angry. I finally said fine I would just go tell them no. But he got even more mad - that would make him look like, well, who he really is! I opened the door to go tell them but the tenant was standing there about to knock so I told him “he’s having a meltdown about taking you and is not going to” then my husband comes out and starts playing nicely with the tenant even while admitting he was having a meltdown. I walked away and when he was done told him he should be the same person outside as he is inside the door and not pretend to be different. Then suddenly his story changed and he said he was planning to go with me all along I just didn’t ‘hear’ him. Whatever. I said sorry if he felt I volunteered him and at any time he was free to interject a no. Just another typical day of him yelling at me and me defending. So now it’s Monday. He walked in the door angry. And then couldn’t find his shop keys. I haven’t used them - he’s been home 7 days and I haven’t gone out and unlocked the shop. I’m not sure last time I saw them. But he started screaming at me and it went on. And on. Over 15 minutes. About how he hates his job. His life. And everything about it. I didn’t say anything just silently looked for the keys. No luck. I gave up and he yelled at me to keep looking and said when they were found that no one is to ever touch his fucking keys again. So much anger. It’s so exhausting. Then he went to his room for his virtual ‘therapy’. And became irate about figuring out how to sign in to it. And why didn’t it save. More fury. I calmly assisted and left. I was busy with this blog while he was in his room for his session. But he’s a loud person and I heard parts of his therapy. I’m not gonna deny it was invaluable. The majority is about me. Not how to manage his anger. Or addictions. Or impulses. And he changes the truth to manipulate the therapist placing as much blame on me as he can. And it sounds like his therapist buys it. She doesn’t know me. Or the story from both sides. I heard him tell the story of when he called the police and he lied about the majority of it. No real surprise. But it infuriates me. Why go and waste time and money if you’re going to lie and manipulate the damn therapist? He’s just using her to validate abuse. I’ve got to get away soon. When he came out of his room he came over and hugged me and said I love you. I can’t. I can’t choke on words that mean nothing. His actions are always unloving. I hugged him back but I didn’t say I love you. He said “no I love you back? You’re a cold fucking bitch. Fuck you”. I said “see- what you’re saying is exactly the reason I struggle to say it. You didn’t say it because you love me you said it to make me say it. And now you’re calling me names and showing me you don’t love me”. He started going off about how we should just end it and get divorced if I can’t say I love you. I’m like “nice job working on anger management in therapy” called me a bitch again. I said “good therapy - it’s getting worse. So much for anger control and actions over words”. He’s back to temper tantrums almost every night. Not that he tells his therapist that. Karma isn’t working near hard enough on him.