Awkward

So through semi effective non engagement such as gray rock we were 2 days into peaceful existence. Headed down to see our son at college. Fortunately our other son was going with us so I only had to avoid him initiating conflict for an hour of a 4 hour drive as he won't usually get too aggressive in their presence. So the day passed pleasantly. The afternoon and initial visit with our sons. Then we went to dinner. It was going fine - I had reminded myself to reserve myself quietly to maintain that. The subject of inflation came up and I was telling our sons about a house in our area that had a high asking price. I told them that meant our was probably worth similar. Completely unnecessarily my husband chimes in with "see we can afford to get a divorce then". And laughs. At the expense of everyone's comfort level at the table. I waited a moment - a bit flabbergasted then said "yup". Our younger son said "you guys...its been awhile I forgot for a hot minute how you guys are". My husband says "i was just joking". I have to say I don't appreciate my sons view 100% because I do not initiate comments like that. but because I don't lay down for them any more I get lumped together as 'you guys' behavior which feels unfair. In an aside I tell my husband so my sons can't hear that its typical for him to couch an insult in a 'joke' that's not a joke or funny. The rest of dinner went by fine - in part because I dialed my participation presence back even more to not invite any more uncomfortable comments for the sake of my sons. Later that night my husband and I were in our hotel room with 2 queen beds. I sat on one while he was laying in the other. He tells me "you can sleep in my bed". I glanced at him but didn't say anything. He persists..."what no answer?". I said nah I'm fine. Again he persists..."what? why not?". I replied that he had crossed my boundaries with the comment at dinner. He says "what comment?". Really? I mean really?! I told him the insulting comment about divorce at the expense of the comfort of everyone at the table that made it awkward. His reply "you say stuff like that all the time".  Me "No. I do not. I do not throw out the divorce word and I especially don't at dinner with our kids." Him "not like you've wanted anything to do with me the last two weeks". (avoidance). Me "In the past two weeks you have called me a bitch several times and thrown out the divorce word three times so no I am not going to respond to those. And that has nothing to do with the specific event we are talking about which is the comment you made at dinner. And projecting and diverting to avoid what we are talking about no longer works on me". He called me a bitch and told me no more talking. End of that. The next morning I answered a text from my daughter. It was early and I rolled over and dozed a few more minutes. Phone buzzed her answering me then I texted my son who had also texted me about coming to our hotel for breakfast. I glance up and see my husband laying in bed glaring intently at me so I knew it was coming. No way out. "I see you're wasting time on your fucking phone again" he says snottily. "you're such a jerk - I just texted our sons about breakfast and they are heading over soon and I let them know they need a mask for the buffet line...so yeah I'm just an awful person". "you're a fucking bitch" was his answer to that. I'll never be able to fathom abusiveness like this. And it can't matter. A few minutes later I see him texting so I get up and he tries to close the app...but I had already seen the green text bubble. I chuckled and said "texting huh?". Unlike me not only does he not tell me but he lies and says he was on Instagram. Im like nope - Insta doesn't have green text bubbles. He then proceeded to yell at me "I'm not going to fucking justify myself to YOU!". I said ok, chuckled lightly and dropped it. He avoided me and I avoided him after having breakfast with the boys so that was the end of that. Finished our day well enough. On the way home I was sitting in the back. Watched some tiktoks. We stopped for gas and I was commenting on a video -one about narcissism of course. He peers in the window then asks with a snotty smirk and attitude what I'm doing on my phone. I said making a comment. On what he asks. On a tiktok I answer. And I'm not going to justify myself to you. Yes - I threw words back at him but it's not like he can even recognize it. Went right over his head. It hard to impart the amount of accusation and rudeness implied in his tone in this pointless bullshit. Most of that trip back I dozed. Kept quiet. Once we dropped off our son I anticipated that last hour with massive trepidation but I was able to keep interaction minimal. When he accused me of not talking to him I spoke just enough monosyllabic replies to deflate the accusation and avoid being attacked. Imagine having to watch everything you say or do based on potentially being abused? Worked til we pulled into our driveway. My daughter had some friends over carving pumpkins. There were two cars parked there. He said  it looked like a bunch of people were here. I said oh its just two cars. That set him off. " a bunch a couple its the same fucking thing whats the fucking difference you always have to be fucking right." blah blah he went on but i grabbed my stuff mach speed and hustled to the house. I mean if its what the fuck is the difference why did he take a mild comment and transform it into some personal slight? Oh yeah - because he's a violent abusive sociopath.