Travel Plans

 My daughter has softball out of town next month. My husband wants to go - using the “I want to be there to support my daughter” and yet he doesn’t stay for games when they are at home. And he complains about watching. I don’t want him to go. With his history of anger every single time we travel I just don’t want that. He did go to her games Sunday. In between I was checking email. Looking at TikTok. And as standard he asked “who are you texting?” It’s exhausting. It’s projection. I ignored it. Then he got testy “what you’re going to ignore my question?”. So I answered nobody. That wasn’t an answer that fit his own behavior or the agenda to argue so he said “ you ask me all the time”. I replied I do not. His response “you wouldn’t tell me anyways and bullshit you do to ask all the time”. My reply “ I definitely do not ask. In fact I make a point of not asking because you would, and have, lied about it anyways”. He then called me a bitch. So I removed myself to sit some distance away staying in a calm even tone that I have boundaries and being called a bitch crosses my boundary and I will not tolerate it. I said he could ride home with our daughter and asked for my car keys to which he said no and refused to give back. So this is just a sample of why i don’t want him going on this trip. So I tried to approach the subject gently on the phone. I asked that we come to an understanding. He said he was hesitant. I said I was too and that I wanted to establish that he wouldn’t get angry. At one point the day before he’d said as long as our son went he’d be fine - basically saying he can control it to maintain a facade to our son. anyways when I said that instead of discussing he immediately did the turn around saying - “you act like I’m the one that gets angry.” You are I said - in Miami you initiated anger and I own none of that and other times. So he hung up on me. He literally validated my concern about anger. The subsequent text conversation was just as bad.

“Ya and your on your righteous rant so nvr mind I'll just stay home tell Rio I'm sorry”

Me: “ It's called trying to have an open and honest discussion and expectations so that we could be on the same page. I was not mad nor did I hang up on you in anger. The point was to come to a goal of not having anger on the trip and the response was anger😳. 

“ No but you were telling me how I'm the problem so I guess I'll quit being your problem. You seem to think I'm a angry piece of shit that you really don't want much to do with. I can't change that and ya I get angry when i'm talked to like you do.

Me: “ If you want to imagine I said any of that it's your decision. If you want to change the words to things that were never said by me that's your decision.

Two sentences and he made up all that extra drama because open discussions are only allowed if he’s yelling at me but not if I try to have a calm meeting of minds.

I’m sure I’ll have a great update post trip.