Waiting for Tomorrow

So last night as I was writing the previous blog my husband burst in my bedroom door. I did shove my phone down- this blog is essentially my diary and none of his business. It’s my mind and my experiences. He immediately accused me of texting and said he had been lurking outside my window at 1230am watching. Apparently since I was typing he assumed it was texting “someone” (implying a man) based on what he would do -not me. I was typing my blog and texting my daughter who was on her way home. I also found out in talking to my daughter later that when I went to meet the gal from my group for lunch that he grilled her about it and when she didn’t remember the name of the person I was meeting he rolled his eyes and implied that she was lying for me. Not only is that inappropriate to approach my daughter in that manner but I would never ask my daughter to Cover for me to see a man. In one of his messages to women he told one of them that his son‘s new about his affairs so based on the way he talk to my daughter I believe that he would in fact have them cover for him . This is at least the fourth time in two weeks he has instigated some imaginary scenario to create conflict which will allow him to validate cheating and abuse. He went on about how he doesn’t trust me and “all bets are off”. Which means he’ll cheat - but oh wait he already does so what’s changed? I’m still alone. He’s still talking to women. Same old. Then he let me know that he came in my room recently when I wasn’t here and went through the spare phone we have. I thought he was going to use it when his broke so I had set it up for him months ago but he didn’t want it. So he was irate that I had his email on it even though it was just set up for him for the phone. And he has alternate secret emails for cheating so it’s irrelevant. Then he said his facebook was on the phone with his info but he lied as there is no Facebook even on that phone.I would assume him lying about it was only to validate more attack but since it wasn’t true it holds no validation value. He also complained about his texting app which was the one piece of fantastic info that wa on that phone - now I know how all the messages with women disappeared off it. Well except for the last sidepiece - he kept hers. And he kept all of them until this - so I knew all along he was manipulating me. If he has true intent he would have deleted them and the whole app when he claimed he changed. He also accuses me of being on dating sites. This is also untrue so again I can clearly see what he’s actually doing based on his projecting his behavior on me. He frequents meet me also called tagged. The only time I was on there was to catfish his profile. The only other site I’ve been on was tinder for a couple months. At the time he’d had his side supply for several months and I thought I needed the same. I got one sort of date out of it that was awkward and I couldn’t handle so I hiked with the guy for a short time said bye and never spoke to him again . Then I deleted my profile. I realized he and I - we are not the same. Even in the face of abuse and cheating I am not a cheater. At the moment I’m truly exhausted. I’m tired of the lying the false accusations the projecting and the verbal attacks that come out of nowhere. Today I’m just tired I’m waiting for tomorrow