Non Reunion

 For the first time in 26 years I am not attending my husbands semi annual family reunion in his home town. This marks a turning point. Distancing myself from his family. But the backbone of reasons don’t pertain to the distancing. For 6+ years he has screamed at me every time he’s angry- which is a LOT- that his family hates me. Thinks I’m a bitch. Doesn’t like me. He usually leaves me on my own the majority of the time while he goes and smokes weed with his cousins. I don’t have a problem with it but it doesn’t make for much fun since I’m not close to HIS aunts and uncles that are left. When the kids were young I was just a babysitter. 2 reunions ago he made a display of screaming at me in front of half the family at his uncles kitchen counter. We can’t go 10 miles in a car together without him starting some sort of nitpicking at me let alone a 2 hour drive. At the last reunion he made a point of telling me he shit talked about me to his cousins wife - the one I’ve had to watch him drool over in infatuation for 10 years of reunions. He failed to tell her he was cheating of course. Then we have his toxic nasty enabling flying monkey sister who is there who laughed with him about his girlfriend and how his girlfriend showed me up so to speak so yeah- don’t ever want that kind of person in my life again. So we have undertones of me being uncomfortable because per him no one likes me. We have his lies portraying me as a bitch because he doesn’t own his cheating, abuse and lying. We have me not wanting to end up detracting from the kids and him enjoying it with him starting shit with me. And I have me not wanting to pretend life is something it’s not. According to him it’s only uncomfortable because I changed my Facebook name back to my maiden name - rather than the fact that he hasn’t treated me like a wife for over 8 years and after he had a whole girlfriend for months and said he was completely done with me is why I changed it. Part of me is sad about not going. I thought this would be the last time I would see all these people that have been somewhat a part of our lives for 26 years. Instead the last time I saw them is the last time I’ll see them. That’s hard.  So anyways the kids left last night. He was insistent he wanted to go out after he worked on our girls car. When he came in I was a bit reluctant as he seemed to want to go to a bar - it’s always a bar rather than just us. I suggested ice cream. He got edgy and pouty about that so I got dressed for a bar. He had no plan then suggested a local place so we headed there. On the way just he randomly asks if he calls me tomorrow night (from the reunion) if I will answer. I said yeah but why would you call me? He said because I want to hear your voice and because we have trust issues. It’s hard to explain but he has been making snide remarks about me going out while he’s gone for a couple weeks. That may be what he would do but it’s not me. And he doesn’t want to hear my voice - he wants to check on me. To acknowledge my feelings this irritates me because I deal with his suspiciousness almost daily when HE’S the cheater and I have never cheated! I resent defending myself when he has cheated multiple times and I haven’t. I didn’t get excited or mad but I shared my sentiment calmly. As we got to the bar about 5 minutes after finishing this conversation he drove past saying he didn’t want to go because of my attitude. I didn’t respond but had already talked to him normally about mundane topics and continued to. He then blames me for us not going. Regardless we went home. He expresses some regret about not having left for the reunion. He ragged on me for not having the right amount of enthusiasm for going out. He then said he stayed and wasn’t “even gonna get laid”. So I said fine let’s go now. He said he didn’t mean it that way. What other way? Again let that slide too. We went to bed. Started having sex. Then he starts trying to put hickys on my neck. I don’t care for my neck sucked on but I also know the only reason he wanted to do so was again - suspicion. Hickys as chastity belts. More projection. Gross. Also as 50 year olds I don’t think we need childish bruises on our necks. I stopped him and he said “what are you scared of”. I asked what as if I didn’t hear but it’s just more of the same. He finished getting laid - by hand of course since nothing else works for him. He asked if I was sleeping with him. I said yes if you can not grind on me all night (he grind gropes and grunts all night when I sleep with him). He said fine and we slept. At 4 he gets up and turns on the light. His alarm goes off a couple times. I end up getting up too. I go out to the kitchen where he’s at and say “oh I didn’t realize it was 430” and with a pissy tone he says “you told me not to fuckin wake you up” . No I didn’t I answered. Yes you did you said not to grind on you. I said those are two different things. He says well god forbid we have sex before I leave. I’m like - are you really bitching about sex we just had last night. This is why I don’t want to - no matter what we do it’s never enough and you always rag on me about it after we have sex. That kind of ended there and he finished getting ready to leave. He went outside to do whatever. Kisses me bye.I struggle going back to sleep when I’m fully awakened. I turned on my light and got up and got some water and took a couple Tylenol then got back into bed. A minute later he comes back in the house and in my room and says with a tone“you don’t have to hurry and turn the light back off” as if I’m what - sneaking my light on? Not allowed to turn my light on then off? In my head I was like what the fuck? Out loud I said what? What’s your problem? I took Tylenol! He didn’t answer as he walked out the door. That’s it. Another exhausting 12 hours for little reason. He still doesn’t have that therapist he needs either. He’s still checking out dating profiles on Facebook too. It supports my decision not to go. But it doesn’t make it easier. I miss being there and being proud of our kids. I miss being proud of my husband though that’s been 8 plus years. I miss seeing some of his extended family that’s genuine. But the risk and the needs outweigh it. Sadly.