Drama

 About a week ago one of my husbands Facebook friends popped up on my suggestions. I’ve accepted others and some of his friends are mine. This lady didn’t have any other common friends and one picture - I did happen to comment on her pic “aww my husband liked your pic”. Her post was from July but somehow my husband knew about the comment - hmm. He brought it up and said why were you on her fb? I told him she popped on my friend suggestions so I accepted and then looked. He was pissed and started in on why was I seeing his friends etc - again I told him she was in my suggestions at which point he said I had men on mine. Um I don’t have any male friends that aren’t family or in common with him. He argued a minute - it was ridiculous. I finally said “ if you didn’t cheat and message women on fb you wouldn’t make such a big deal out of it” he answered “ here we go”. I told him I have no idea what’s going on sometimes and though he said he wanted us to work and was done with his “girlfriend” he talked to her after the fact. I told him I didn’t want to bring things up either but needed reassurance from him on his own volition once in awhile. Hes never even said he was sorry for cheating. He got heated and insulted - said here we go it always comes back around to him doing something wrong. I said no I just wanted to reconnect and was saying what I needed. I asked what he needed. He shook his head rolled his eyes and stared at his phone. I said look at me and he’s like jesus. For a moment he did and I just said I’m not insulting you to ask for emotional needs. He shunned me again so I finally said ok then and sat back while he stonewalled me. Eventually he decided to offer that he wanted less drama - never takes ownership of being the ultimate drama by being a lying cheating fuckface of a non human. He also said he was sorry for cheating. I stood up touched him and said you’ve got it. I hear what you need and I guarantee you will not get any more drama from me. He accused me of being patronizing of course. I said no I’m dead serious. I’ve dropped it and you will never get drama from me again. And I do mean it. Grey rock from today on. He will never see emotion from me again. He can just ramble on with his grandiose posturing about work. About what he wants to buy. And rant about how dumb everyone but him is. He is as deep and intelligent as a puddle in the Mojave desert. He has no remorse and no ability to actually fathom anyone’s feelings but himself. In every conversation it’s turned into being about him... and that’s with everybody so at least I’m not the only one in that. He finally lost the best thing he was ever gonna get (me) and everything that comes with me. It’s the last straw for me to understand he’s actually incapable of kindness. He has a pretense of kindness occasionally but only done as a reflection to brag about how special he is for doing it. And he lied to his “girlfriend” he lied to me, he lied to the chick he dated from his hometown, and he lied to the two he was hitting up online- all at the same time. This hurts but helps. Because I can see he is ill. A narcissist. I’m not the sole receiver of his narcissism I’m just in a different stage of it than each of the other women. That puts the psychopathic disorder firmly and completely on him. I get sad -not from love or hurt any more but from the loss of the life and future I thought we had. As a last interesting circle he came up to me an hour later or so and said he was sorry about earlier. I breezily replied no problem. It’s all good. When I walked by he accused me of being mad and I said no I’m not mad at all it’s all fine . I’m not mad - it’s a disappointment but I feel sorry for him . And me. But I wasn’t mad. He said it again and I said I’m not mad - just don’t start drama you didn’t want. This was in front of our kids so he shut up. And I went to the store with him. Watched tv. And stayed totally light and breezy. He spent half the day in his room. I just watched a movie with my daughter and he comes out and tells me I’ve been on my phone all day and shouldn’t eith my eye. And dang it I forgot to gray rock! I defended but at least mildly. But I showered, did my hair, had several long conversations with my son daughter and sons girlfriend, hand washed 2 racks of dishes, swept and cleaned the kitchen, went to the store - and apparently was on my phone during all that - not. Oh wait - drama.