Wash, Rinse, Repeat

This is the same old cycle. Mentally and emotionally tiring. I am able to achieve a stable sense of self the majority of the time but humanity sneaks its way in at times. My husband spent the night before last in the apologetic begging for forgiveness stage. Easily recognized as the standard pattern to manipulate me. By the time he got home from work he had advanced to the next stage of his oh so standard game plan. Be nice. When Im not nice enough back reprimand me - in front of our daughter so she can agree because its "never going to work if I cant be nice". Point out how nice HE was and I wasnt. Now he can redirect blame back onto to me like any talented narcissistic abuser. With the strength and confidence of self I found a few years ago to overcome emotional turbulence of abuse patterns his latest verbal abuse arsenal now centers on how I am frigid - in and out of bed. A logical and intellectual reaction to abuse does not equal a lack of emotion however. Its maturity and self control. Two days and hes texting "have a nice day, love you" and I doubt he has the emotional or intellectual capacity to understand why this rollercoaster manipulation is no longer effective. I would prefer he be what he wants to be and leave me be. But this isnt about love or himself. Its about control and manipulation. If he does that then he no longer maintains control over me and in the end the verbal and emotional abuse, the manipulation, the blame, the lying and cheating all revolves around control not love. I had mentioned on facebook that I was having a bad week. within minutes he texted me asking me to keep it between us. If he doesnt want anyone to know then hes conscious of the wrongness. Its my basic philosophy if you dont want others to know about it dont do it - its called integrity  - the worst he can say about me is I dont tolerate his abuse well anymore and that can be shared anywhere he wants. And still willing to lie - in this case to preserve not his image - but again his "rightness". It the same old cycle - and its dirty laundry. Wash rinse repeat.