Hindsight is 20/20

For several weeks my husband has been "behaving". Thats not to say he isn't lying - I know he is. However he is keeping blatant verbal and emotional abuse in check. This momentary peace is deceiving. Looking back I remember so much abuse and in my new perspective can now see it for what it was. 7 years ago we were running a self employed trucking business. During the summer the kids and I went along. I can remember that whole summer he would insist we go along. Within an hour he would start verbally ripping into me for some slight thing. I remember time after time staring out the window with tears rolling down my face. One time our auxiliary pump wouldn't work. He started screaming at me asking what I had done. and what a stupid bitch I was that I fucked it up. I hadn't touched it actually. I cried that but he said I was a lying fucking bitch. Then he said to shut the fuck up and quit fucking crying and that I was stupidly sensitive. At first my husband was aware I was crying..all the time, ..every time...I eventually learned that him knowing I was crying escalated the abuse and emotional abuse tangled with the verbal abuse until he was not only yelling and berating me but bashing my emotion as well. I learned to let the tears roll silently...without a whimper. I would try to refuse to go on the next trip but he would insist..pretty much bully me into it furious if I refuse. And the same thing would happen...a vicious cycle. This happened in successive years as well. At the time I was so hurt and confused I didnt recognize it for what it was - abuse. Around the same time we had our first real fight...over a neighbor he lusted for....and porn. Correlation at its finest. Hindsight IS 20/20.