Apples and Oranges

I could have posted when I was angry...maybe I didnt because I didnt want to ever revisit the emotion at its peak. But I was very angry. The verbal abuse reached a peak even reaching into physical abuse I refused to accept last week. I left the house to take my sons to a school dance...a 20 minute absence. Less than 10 minutes after I left my cell phone rings...my husband. Him: "hey did you take my cigarettes?" me "no I took mine". him "well mine were on the counter and they're gone so you took them". me "no I did'nt I took mine off the mantle" him "I think you took mine" (yes now his tone is mean, accusatory, rude, and disbelieving). me "I only have one pack with me and its mine off the mantle" him " well mine had like 3 cigarettes in it that you took" me "the only pack I have with me is over a half pack which is the one I had on the mantle" (yes I was a bit testy at this point) him: "thanks for being a fucking bitch" then he hung up on me. When I got home the first thing he did was say sorry, that he'd found his cigarettes. I sat down and told him I appreciated that but it did not excuse him talking to me like that or calling me a fucking bitch and hanging up on me. At first he said I did not call you a bitch...I disagreed and quoted him...he denied again...then said that was after he hung up. I said no it wasn't because you said it then hung up. Then he agreed yes he did call me a fucking bitch. Then said I was a fucking bitch again..but as we went rounds on the subject I could not open his eyes to the way he talked to me...and what a normal conversation would be...such as "hon did you happen to take my cigs?" "no" "could you double check for me" sure...no I dont have them" "ok...Ill see you when you get home in a few minutes". Hmm...he didnt want to hear it. The entire squabble went south from there...whereas my issue was how he spoke on the phone and calling me a bitch he went into a tirade about how I need to look in the mirror, how the entire house walks on eggshells about saying something wrong to me, how I have problems, how I'm a bitch and a cunt, how no wonder my mom didn't love me, how everyone hates me and on, and on. I dissolved I cried ...I started moving into the spare room. He threatened to take all HIS money out of our account. He told me he paid for everything so it was his. That I could go fuck myself and to get the fuck out. Then he begged forgiveness...told me he'd been "better" for weeks. Not so much. When I told him to get away from me he cornered me and wouldn’t let me move. When I tried he pushed me and shoved me to the floor with both hands. I tried to get up but he held me down. My kids were there and my daughter was screaming at him and my son was telling him to get off me. When I gave him specific examples of times he'd been verbally abusive in the last few weeks he accused me of 'logging' incidents. He rolled his eyes, parodied me with sarcasm, belittled me, called me names and refused to listen to the issue at hand. And I told him this was just a last straw...I had let the prior incidents slide and controlled any negative reaction on my part: 1. He offered me to take a shower with him but said I didn't "have to" and it was no big deal. I didn't and when he got out of the shower he said thanks for taking a shower with me you fucking bitch. No comment or response by me- that would lead ;to more abuse. 2. We went to bed planning 'romance'..when I slid into bed he accused me of 'stealing' his blanket...when I said I didn't he called me a bitch said fuck you, pushed me and rolled the other way. I tried to smooth this one over but was rejected. 3. He wanted to watch movie credits so I went to the restroom while he watched...when i came out he was rude and walked away from me and my daughter (over 50') on our way to the car and gave me the silent treatment the rest of the night. I made no comment. 4. I was keeping score at a baseball game...I told him the score but he argued with me (during game in front of others). I tried to explain several times then finally said fine...you must be right. At the end of the game we lost by one run and it was my fault because if Id had the score right he would have coached it differently based on the one run (that I said we had and he said he didnt so it was on him anyways). no comment. 5. cigarettes...I finally say COMMENT! His response to this was how much restraint he displays to me...I asked him in what way or incident did he have to control himself from reacting to something Id done or said to him. He said well I didnt bitch at you because I didnt have clean socks. I dont bitch at you that the dishes arent washed...etc! Is he a fucking idiot?! Sometimes I think so...those are CHORES! And if he wants clean socks he could damn well do some himself once in awhile...comparing that to talking to me like dirt is comparing apples vs oranges.