Too Far

Some time ago I received a work comp settlement..not a lot. Put it away and after some months helped my son buy a car. With a couple thousand left I have often used that balance to supplement when were short dwindling it down. I made no real purchases..maybe a shirt or two. My husband puts weed purchases (3 to 400 a month) ahead of electric, groceries etc. along with 250 a month for cigarettes. Because I initially put in savings my husband is excessively resentful and acts as if I have done something selfish. Recently he was in a car accident. The insurance paid 1500 for repairs which was sent by check. I told him it was received and it sat several days so I deposited it to our checking. As a back story he hasn't worked a full week for several weeks and our mortgage is late. Anyways when I told him he immediately said he was going to withdraw 1100.00 just for him because I don't share "my" money and that's his. My first response was fine whatever. But at some point having to cower in the face of sociopathic rage becomes unacceptable. Living in fear becomes abhorrent. I asked him where the hell he thinks all that transferred money comes from? How our son got a car? Etc. And I said I'm sure he would need it to cover pot purchases because that comes first. He was a good 25 feet from where I was sitting in a chair. He did override a lot of what I said calling me a bitch with problems. Then he walked over to me and drew his arm back as if he were going to punch me. He screamed " I just wanna fuckin kill you grrrr" then he drew his arm back more and launched a cup of ice and soda point blank into my face and eyes pelting me violently and painfully in my eyes and face. My instant reaction was pain and I started crying then I screamed at him to get away from me. That physical abuse is not acceptable and its scary. At first he said fuck you you're a bitch. Then he apologized. I left the room trying to distance the situation but he followed. I tried to walk away and he blocked me. Then he cornered me so I couldn’t move. He held my arms with his hands. When I failed to tell him it was okay he reverted to "you fucking deserved it" . Our 19 year old son was there and told him no one ever deserves that. He also told us we should go to separate rooms...of course I'd already tried that. I told my husband to never touch me like that again. And if he ever physically abused me again I would call the police. Currently his behavior is unfathomably unstable. And he can't be reasoned with. The next day I broached the subject of challenges and uncontrolled repeated temper bursts that are almost daily. He rages that I have the problem. That I abuse him. Gaslighting - or at least trying to is narcissistic behavior. One interesting facet was him telling me I don't cook or clean and anyone could cook the crap I made. A contradictory statement anyways. So the next night when he asked if I was cooking dinner I said no. That he disrespected what I did and if anyone could do it then so could he. He said "ok well I won't change our fucking car oil" etc. But I never insulted his work ethic (he had called me lazy no working bitch) and never said things like that so it wasn't the same thing. But of course he was unable to understand that.
Today we were in the car me driving. My daughter in the passenger seat and my husband behind her. Music was on and we were just driving along when he suddenly screamed. And  I mean literally screamed "turn the FUCKING music down". Crazy..as in true illness. He could have just gently touched her shoulder and then asked her politely. But everything in his view is cushioned by a rage..at least when he thinks no one's looking. And as time goes more often when someone is looking. My daughter told him he was being crazy. So he called her a bitch. What a guy right?!. And getting him to get the help he needs is an impossible scenario since the key is for someone to know they need help and want it as well. That's not him. Sometimes nowadays I even feel sorry for him...I don't know if one day he will look back and see the mess and meanness he dished with disregard and disrespect. If he does it would be a difficult mirror to reflect. And if he doesn't he lived as a shell. Both sad. The lesson in this is that physical abuse is too far. Always. And I’m scared of him and his temper.