Peaks

For some reason I can't begin to fathom the abuse of me by my husband continues to peak again. And one moment he says "I still love you" and the next vicious name-calling wouldn't care if you were killed tomorrow diatribe is heaped loudly at me. Case in point when I arrived home today he was already home. I was a bit late having worked a bit late and having errands on Mondays. He asked why I was late..I responded that I worked a few minutes past. I didn't think anything of the mild exchange and he went downstairs. A short time later he came back up and asked why I didn't tell him at lunch on the phone. " Umm I didn't know and besides I go to the bank every Monday" I replied. Now I did have a lightly baffled tone..he was acting accusatory in my view. But I didn't think it worth mentioning it and risking him bringing his temper down on me. I just wanted to enjoy his company. Fat chance. He didn't say anything so I thought I dodged the daily bullet. Then a bit later he announced he was going to name a puppy we may keep Echo. I said oh..that's one of our kids top names for a girl. He was furious. He said fuck you then..you guys can fucking name it like you always do and so on. Mmm..I responded I don't really care it's just a possible top choice grandchild name. He said not that he'd ever heard. From there he just got angrier..I'm not really even sure why or how. But suddenly he was telling me I'd been a bitch since I walked in, that I was always a fucking bitch, that I must, sit next to god since I was so righteous, that he wants out so fucking bad, won't be here in a year, that it's only me that makes him mad because I'm such a bitch, that I could get killed tomorrow and he wouldn't give a fuck, that sometimes he wants to just kill me.. well etc etc as it went on quite some time. He parodied me in an inaccurate and demeaning fashion creating an exaggerated tone of voice he said I used. He also interjected the word fuck which I most definitely don't use. I did mildly and calmly try to get a message to him that I'm not comfortable with his continual vicious temper and that he should consider help. I would say wrong time but even when he's calm you can't broach any subject related to abuse without inducing more abuse. So he continued to call me names and mutter under his breath. With no ability to reason I left the room not wanting to risk being physically abused again. I locked my door...as he always does. This also brought some of his wrath down as he shook the doorknob muttering "real fuckin mature". Peak to peak. I wonder at the imbalance. The peaks aren't high in this life. 1 minute later he yells thanks for dinner it was good. What a life.