Hear That

This is such a ridiculous and annoying life. I have read back through a lot of my blog. I cant believe the shit I put up with. I work through my head why...I started out with a great live,  I like where I live. Ive spent so much time with and for my kids - and it shows in them. I had good years before and in between with my husband - theres a guy in there I've always loved. I think leaving would have always been a toss up. Less relationship stress. But I would miss him. The kids were exposed to not only just a bad relationship example but all the emotional trauma of those initial years when I first found out I was betrayed when I was so reactionary. Fortunately they are exceedingly intelligent and for the most part break the cycle. My oldest is a great faithful and caretaking boyfriend. My youngest has slipped on his path a small amount but has recognized it and corrected it in a positive way and is also a good boyfriend other wise. My daughters greatest example was her older brothers so her standards adjusted accordingly - she seems to be intolerant of abuse. But the trade off if I had left some years ago would have been a drastic lifestyle change and missing the good in the mix No we are not rich but we live decently on acreage in a large house. I would have missed all that time with them working full time - Ive rarely missed a single event, game or anything else. They would have had to go from home to home..split holidays. A large house with space to a couple apartments? All of that sucks too. So I opted for what was the lesser of evils for all of us. I sometimes think I may have lost a little of their respect along the way by putting up with it but they are also able to logic through my reasoning. My sons are buddies with my husband now because hes not a parent. He’s bought them liquor and weed since they were 14 or so.
Anyways the ridiculous part is that my husbands broken record of threats remains unchanged. After being regular sexually for awhile we had a brief argument...I dont even remember what trivial issue it was. I do remember his statement "we're about done with each other anyways". i didnt reply but then that night he asks me if I want to have casual sex with him. Casual or not how on earth would he think I'm attracted to him especially right after that statement? Clearly hes not working with strong analytical skill. Then this morning he asked me a question...I answered it but my back was turned and he didnt hear me. Instead of, again - a normal conversation like - " Im sorry I didnt hear you" he says "I cant hear you with you fucking mumbling". I wasn't mumbling. He struggles all the time to hear what others are saying -especially if it doesn't involve him. It deteriorated a bit with him accusing me of being rude when I stated I wasn't mumbling then repeated my answer. He then walked out the door. He didnt hear me but then he never has.