The Evolution of Epiphany

When the average person hits their late twenties they think they have matured. In retrospect there is always a new learning curve and I think now that when Im 60  I will still be learning and maturing...just on the downslope of dying. Last night I felt the bite of my own insight. It was a small thing but its largesse is in its realization. My son had baseball practice. I grabbed a phone charger to take with me. Innocuous enough you may think but upon reflection the decision of what charger to take required more forethought in a ridiculous manner. There is a charger in the bedroom my husband uses to charge his phone at night. Theres one in the living room he uses in the evening. I was going to take the one in the living room...but I thought my husband was not going with me so after weighing scenarios I opted to take the one in his bedroom. Why? So he wouldnt get pissed that there wasn't one in the living room when he got home. and I could sneak the one back into the bedroom before he knew. I met him in the driveway and he decided to go with me. When we got home later I brought the charger in with me and set it on the counter but forgot to plug back into the bedroom. Later he heads to bed but comes back out and asks where the charger is. I say "oh over on the counter by my purse". Of course we go through the usual back and forth tally of no it isn't yes it is like verbal ping pong. Of course it was there it just didn't jump at him. As he walked into his room he says "I don't know why you have to fuck with my charger don't we have enough fucking chargers around here you don't have to fuck with the one in my room". Hmm..I didnt say much...just replied mildly and without rancour in my tone "fuck off". So in spite of the ridiculous depth that went into my decision the result was still abusive controlling and inappropriate. And I realized that as much as hes evolved into this threatening bully over the years...so have I. He doesn't know how to deal with me any more than I do him. I began our relationship free, secure, and open. As I evolved...actually lets say devolved, I realize that I began to fashion what I did in even the most minute things to protect myself..making minor decisions big in order to avoid the anxiety of verbal abuse. I catered to him..not realizing that it was a form of controlling behavior by him. In reverse I wouldn't have given a second thought to him taking ANY charger. Its my evolution that I have these epiphanies and see more clearly. And a step forward in changing my behavioral patterns in the future. Its demeaning to see these habits I've built up but recognizing them gives me hope and confidence that I can get back to me.