Rollercoasters

Since my last post I had a nice 28 day Hiatus from work... just worked out well with scheduling and vacation. But alas I had to return to work this past week. After being gone 3 nights was looking forward to returning home I walked in the door kiss my husband hello cheerly asked how his day went. We've been doing fairly well for a few weeks - theres that crazy forgiving hopeful nature I have.I let his grumpy low tone hi slide by. I was supposed to get home at 10 but do do unforeseen problems with the airline I didn't get home until 530. My son needed help with the first lease he's ever signed in his life and I had promised my daughter I would take her to get some things for school originally expecting to have the whole day to do these things and my husband had refused to to take her so I was a bit rushed. I asked my husband if he minded if I took the truck (ours though he views it as his) and I'd put gas in it. He said no, you'll just bring it back with less gas than it has now..the words sound reasonable but the tone was insulting. My car has a broken back window and no a/c so that's why I asked. My daughter complained and I said well Dad said I cant take his truck...if I get a new car Im gonna tell him he cant take it! Then we left. When I got back my son asked for my help with his lease so I spent a short amount of time on that. After that I checked on the dinner and then I sat down in the room with him and again cheerily asked what movie hed picked to watch. In an even grumpier rude tone he told me to pick up the remote and hit the info button. In between all this he'd also been muttering rudeness under his breath..which again I let slide over me like water passing by a sea otter. Then it happened. The rattle had been rattling since I got home and the head was raised..finally the expected attacking strike. The first onslaught was "you're such a bitch. I heard your rude fucking comment about when you get a car. Uh yeah I said but it was the same thing you said to me which was no..how is that ok for you to say but not me? And I didn't get all bent out of shape about it. From there it deteriorated into how I don't want sex with him...uh we had sex 4 times last week I said. But you don't fucking enjoy it. You're a cold bitch. You couldn't handle counseling cuz you wont admit how fucked up you are...and on it went. Narcissist often try gaslighting but thanks to my previous DV counseling I'm familiar with it now - in the old days I would have doubted myself, my thinking, and my fault.  I said I'm sorry but I dont want to fight with you so Im going to walk away a few minutes. I retreated to my sons room for a few because I knew he wouldn't follow me there and abuse me like he does if I go to my room. I didn't talk to my son or say what was going on...just that I needed a minute. Several minutes later I returned upstairs. Within minutes he was verbally attacking and calling me a bitch again. Then stated how improved he is because he actually wants to talk about things. I responded that he wasn't 'talking' hes attacking. Bullying. He said it was different when he traveled because he was making a lot of money and I'm not...uh we had to file bankruptcy because of his self employment. I supported him through 2 self employment gigs..the second one was briefly successful but he was unable to establish truly positive relationships with the connections we needed...temper temper. Then he states my job is all about being away from him..because the world revolves around him of course. No..I enjoy the places I go. I look forward to coming home to him. Until I get here. After continued emotionalism from him and him yelling at me I'm a terrible person and a cold bitch I again calmly state I dont want to fight and go to my room. A few minutes later he follows..and the bitch comments and ragging restarts. The just fucking leave comments from him. We need to just end it he says. Though I'd already stated I'm tired of his roller coaster of anger, yelling, craziness I said it again. He left. He hollered back he was done..hed drop it and I could come watch tv with him. I come out a couple minutes later. Within 3 minutes he started in on the sex thing again. The roller coaster is off the rails.