Crazy Train

My flight attendant overnight is in Amarillo today. Not much of a place. Got to my hotel about noon. Checked out cadilac ranch for 10 minutes.Took a swim. Got some food. Watched tv. Got an emotionally dicey text from my husband about not calling when I landed. I talked to him an hour the night before..after also receiving a dicey text because I took a walk ("I thought you were going to chill in your room"). Like taking a walk is some major offense.  I dont like lengthy talks on the phone. But I do it because he needs so much reassurance and if i don't he will launch a verbal attack. Anyways I called him once I was hanging in my room..like 7. Wish I hadn't. It was an immediate launch into a train of insults and accusations. Mad because hes at home alone while I gallivanting around doing fun stuff. Never mind that I spent years at home alone while he drove deliveries..but of course its different because he didn't do "fun" stuff like me..which amounts to me walking a 2 mile radius of my hotel and being in my room. But oh yeah one time I went to a patio bar and had a soda. I am comfortable with myself. Alone. Able to enjoy the small things. And when I talk to him it becomes more appealing even if its not how Id like it to be.But I spent a good 20 minutes deflecting rude untrusting comments("I'm sure you're fucking around on me") though his one success is that I cant stomach the idea of any kind of relationship so besides the fact that cheating isn't in my makeup I wouldn't desire to anyways. Then he indicated he has been tracking me via my phone because we share emails..I don't check his..I'm way past living life that way. He says its because he misses me..its not. Asked him what he thinks I'm doing...fucking the desk clerk in an alley? Then I deleted his email off my phone..it was only on for contacts anyways. He called to berate me about that...then changed his password..which just popped on notifications..I dont care..its not like when he cheats he uses his main email-he makes a fake one! I told him hes not self aware..its a control issue not love. And dependency. And I told him I'm not going to live out my life in his emotionally unstable tornado that happens every few days. Hes trying to keep me on his crazy train and I never bought a ticket.