Seasons Change

The seasons changing...and I continue to as well. No super drama has invaded my mind space which supports the theory learned in DV counseling that people only do to you what you let them. I continue to stand firm ground on my boundaries. Thats not to say life runs smoothly. .that has never been my fate. Last week my husband, daughter and I were walking to my sons baseball game where there were several fields. My husband pointed to a field and said "thats the one he was on yesterday". I replied "I think it was the other one". "NO, it wasn't..I know which fucking one" my husband says. "It was that one..by parking"...then he says "oh...you're right it is that one". "Yes...you don't have to be so...argumentative" I replied. Now I made a conscious effort to say it in a mild tone...and to my ears succeeded. However my husband called me a bitch, said fuck you then turned on his heel and walked off from my daughter and I. I did not immediately respond or react. He returned to our car. I waited for some time..more than 30 minutes at least. Then I went to the car (our sons game was not starting for awhile). I opened the door and told my husband please dont call me a bitch in public, in front of my daughter,  or at all. He replied "then don't be one" and again got out and walked off. This behavioral response is common for him if he's wrong about something damn near irrelevant.  Anyways I did not address it further for several days. Until he pressured me for sex. If I was on a date I wouldn't go home with a man who called me a bitch...of course he doesnt get that. Anyways I told him...again..that calling me names is unacceptable.  He said my tone was snotty. I said he should certainly say so then...such as "I feel your voice is rude"...not call me a name and walk away. I also revisited the porn. He makes his own choices and I can't change. Its interesting that he tries to placate me but often slips glimpses of his true thoughts. At first he was understanding and in agreement on porn and name calling. Then came the grins...like I was a joke. Some eye rolling. making fun of me, No eye contact. Then that he only looks at porn here and there. Then how I should look in the mirror. And how one day he wad going to meet a woman who was nice to him and leave me. Its exasperating - and exhausting to try to talk to someone so obtuse.  Here I am addressing specific issues. ..not once did I generalize,  call him a name, or threaten to leave etc.. Of course in the old days this kind of undermining attack worked. I would be hurt, cry, get emotionally fearful..whatever. I simply replied that talking to him was difficult and based on his theory I should then "threaten" to find a man who doesn't call me a bitch and leave him. Although it continued in this vein he began to backpeddle and it digressed into a mild and more reasonable ending without silent hate. But the glimpse into the window was there. And I stuck to my guns on the boundaries - NO name calling NO porn. End of discussion.  Do I think he will adhere to that? Of course not. But the consequences are clear. And my solidarity is also clear...I did not get emotional. ..not angry. Not hurt. Just confident. I call this progress. I believe he would call it confusing.  Which makes me smile. He appears to think I will become the hurt confused girl I used to be. I'm not that girl and I kinda miss her.