Good Mourning

First I should mention that my blogging has become sporadic...not because things are great but because my level of acceptance has plateaued. I try to no longer emotionally reactive and try to keep the peace. I think he feeds off of or enjoys my pain - why else would he do it even after things get better? I do get pissed...but I dont get upset...crying just isn't an option. Yesterday I rose early to get a drink...am early. This is usually a time my husband gets ready for work while I sleep another hour. If you consider getting ready involves using his browsers incognito option to shop for women anyways! As I walked out the phone went between his legs. He said "yes I'm looking at something I shouldn't". I asked to see and he emphatically replied "NO". We went through the usual hiding, sneaking, lying repertoire. He even stated I should believe him when he said it was just porn and only a few times this month and if that were true and the only thing our relationship would be fine...I will never wrap my head around how he thinks I should trust his word. I mean I will never figure out how he is unable to think things through. I told him I don't know him...and did he think if at the beginning he'd told me he lies and is a porn and sex addict along with being mean and abusive and a cheater would I have married him? I had to answer that by the way. He also wanted credit for immediately "confessing".what do I care? Doing the right thing in the first place is the only commendable action. Besides I am sure it was either a hookup site or or more likely a nice little secret email chat with some lonely mommy off craigslist. Not a good morning..but not bad as Im no longer in mourning...