Leopard Spots

 He is sinking quickly and easily. But I’m not. He’s shown me who he is and I can’t unsee it and for some reason that makes him less capable of hiding it. My instincts are true and I know what I know. Last weekend I saw that he visited Tagged a dating site and checked his messages. The first night I said nothing. The next night he started pressuring me about sex. Did I forget to mention he has herpes? Anyways just continuing to deny him was getting risky and he was getting angry. I told him I wanted to want sex. But I had a question.So I decided to handle it but in a new me way not an old me way. So I didn’t accuse - I asked him if he’d been in any sites he shouldn’t be. His first answer was “not really”. I asked what not really meant and if he was sure. I could tell he knew that I knew. So he said well yes that he’d been on tagged. I quietly too a breath then thanked him for being honest and that I appreciated him being honest. He then proceeded to gaslight me by blaming me for him being on the website because he “was looking to see if I was on. Then he asked the same - if I was on dating sites. I have never been on a dating site that 1) I didnt find via him being on it 2) that I wasn’t on to catfish him or 3) ever chatted with someone in. Whereas he has had sex with women off sites. Anyways I replied no I’m not. That’s not my thing. Did he thank me? Accept my answer? Fuck no. He said “ I think you are. I think you lie. I think you have options and are texting guys. If you went out and got drunk I think you’d go fuck the first guy you met”. I explained how insulting and hypocritical that is and we talked in circles for a good 7 minutes. When I said I had enough and went to my room he said “you need help”. Ha! For what? I wasn’t even angry. I looked at him and told him that gaslighting and diverting no longer works on me and that me reacting to him crossing my boundaries is his issue not mine. That was pretty much it. In some ways relieving as it validated not having him touch me. He still thinks I’m the sucker he can fool and lie to - complete lack of realization. Then a couple days ago I find out that the Saturday before thanksgiving he texted one of the women he said he wouldn’t - in fact he said he didn’t have her number. Liar. He texted her 3 separate times over 2 days trying to get ahold of her. And in the text I see that he also stopped by her moms house - where the 40 yr old loser lives- twice! I asked him about this also. Of course at first he lied. Then he admitted it and said it was an impulsive mistake. Um 3 texts over two days AND you went by her house?! Not impulsive but persistent. I didn’t say this. I calmly said I am just tired of the lies. I don’t care. It is what it is. I can’t choose who you want to be. I can only choose me. And I walked away. The next night he wanted a kiss and hug when he got home from work. What?! I said no. Do you really believe you can do what you want and I’m not going to set my consequences on it? For me? He said “ I don’t do whatever I want”. Ha . I didn’t answer that one except in my head which is if he’s not doing what he wants then what he wants must really be disgusting. As I told him he hasn’t changed one bit. He just thinks he’s lying better. He’s not. Leopards do not change their spots. 

As a little addendum today in the car he said “if he could just get our son to text him back”. I said he’s probably in baseball practice right now. And he said “ well I know I wasn’t saying I expected him to call me right this minute”. And his inflection was defensively rude as if I’d insulted him. I chuckled lightly and said I was amazed how he could take a mild statement and treat it like I’d made a grave insult. He said what “I didn’t hear you”. And I said nothing - then he replied about how I was making something out of nothing and started tagging on me about being mad. Ho hum. I smiled and lightly said what - I’m not even close to mad - but I thought you didn’t hear me? That ended that.