Duh

 My husband has been doing what is called hoovering and it’s when narcissists try to “win you back” after they have previously devalued (abused) and discarded you (rejected value). In this cycle they try to love bomb or make you believe they’ve changed. He’s been working at this for a month. I’ve been kind and haven’t rejected him but I haven’t bought it for a single second. I had a bet with myself on how long he could last. A few weeks was my guess. He made it almost a month. A few days ago I had done some heavy shoveling in the sun to fill a massive hole in our driveway so our daughter could get her car down it. I overworked and had a mediocre migraine as a result. I was laying on the couch when he got home. I had dinner ready when he got home the last 4 nights but not this night. A few minutes in he asks if I’m making dinner. I said I hadn’t planned since our daughter wasn’t home so it was just him. He told me to see what I had to make and though I was irritated I said nothing and got up and went to the fridge. He asked about pork chops and I said no I made those a few nights ago. Then drumsticks and I said no I made those a couple nights ago. And he said “yeah and that’s the food I bought”. What?! So I replied “what the fuck does who bought what have to do with the price of tea in China?!” Yes in an irritated voice but nothing more. Then I asked if chicken breast was ok and he said fine so I put it in the microwave to defrost. Then suddenly he starts berating me - telling me he “works hard all day and the least I could do is have dinner ready when I don’t do a fucking thing all day but sit on my lazy fucking ass and he comes home and I’m laying on the couch sleeping like a lazy pos and that I’m a bitch and a fkn bitch”  and as he was still getting louder and meaner I calmly said whoa okay that’s crossing boundaries for you to berate me like that and belittling what I do so since it is so little you can now make your own dinner and I’ll leave the room until you are a decent human again”. Then I went to my room and locked the door. For another 10 minutes he went on yelling in the kitchen about what a bitch I am and lazy and how he was happy when he was fucking other women so he’s gonna go back to that and that I should get a boyfriend and get the fuck out...and on and on. Then he came to my door and threatened to kick it down if I didn’t open it. After several threats swearing he would do it I opened the door. He kind of apologized but also tried to gaslight me and make it my fault for not having dinner and having attitude about it. He tried to be a victim because I was snotty to him and said it was belittling- I explained being snotty and berating and calling someone foul names are not the same and I hadn’t done either. That earned the “aren’t you just so perfect” snide remark. And the “you’re worse than my mother”. I explained that he can feel however he wants but the words and threats to break doors and intimidation are not acceptable ever. He said I had no rights and it was bullshit that I walk away and lock my door. I said if I am uncomfortable with the way he’s acting or his attitude or am scared I have every right to walk away- I said just like if you don’t like my attitude you can walk away. Which he did. Thank goodness. The multiple apologies poured in the next morning. He’s lost control of himself and others and narcs can’t deal with this. But I didn’t say much. Just have a nice day. Two days later. He’s trying to be back in my good graces. Heck he even thinks he should be. Then it slips again. We were talking about his work and I said something empathetic about his drive and he’s like “yeah I wouldn’t have to listen to you bitch about dinner”. Which I didn’t do anyways. So I answered “yeah and I wouldn’t have to listen to you call me a bitch a cunt and a lazy piece of fucking shit”. That was a few hours ago and now he’s pouting because I didn’t show sexual interest in him. Wtf? I mean there’s a level of obtuse stupidity here that’s mind boggling. Duh.