That Fucker Hates Me

So for several weeks things went along okay. My husband was still somewhat self absorbed but was fairly attentive and did not offload any frustrations on me. Desire is still difficult for me but there so our sex resurged a bit. I once told him that if we were at the beginning and just dating and he leered at other women and whipped out Cumshot magazine I would hardly go back to his place...it is no different, perhaps worse, as his wife. I will have to be somewhat explicit to get to where I am today so if that may offend you exit now! During these weeks we have been sexually active...or I should say hes been getting it from me 3-4 times per week. Thats not a lot different from how it always was before this abuse and his issues - thats why they have nothing to do with me. But I wont say Ive been getting it from him...sex has involved him scooting close to me in bed and grabbing a boob. This literally lasts 30 seconds. As soon as hes determined I am willing he hops on...mostly from behind which I am ok with once in awhile but not all the time  (he slipped once and it was painful and bruised my area), and proceeds to do his thing for 10-15 minutes til hes done. Then "its" done. Needless to say 30 seconds of foreplay (though I really dont think it qualifies) does nothing for me. The rest of the time he wants serviced and most of the time I feel like I should get a hundred bucks when hes done lol! He also made sexual promises several times but never followed through. I also asked him for a massage one night to which I received a flat out no. I have also told him many times I would like a date night..but it never happens and last week I told him I finally have given up on it. Twice he fell asleep on the couch and I left him there..he works hard and needs the rest but it pissed him off. Apparently allowing him to sleep is a serious offence And I dont wake him up..for sex of course which also pissed him off. So last week I decided to try and change it up. I woke him up first and initiated. I took out the soft leather whip tassle with feathers on the other end and petted him with both. He jus wanted serviced which I did but 35+ minutes later with arm pump and frustration I told him one minute left. That minute expired ..yet it only takes him 10 minutes when he cant see my face! Those secret ED pills also dont help I think. So I left him hanging - I just couldnt any more...and he was furious...and yet he rarely takes time for my pleasure and I don't bitch. All week he threatened revenge..telling me he was going to turn me on then walk out. Except for the logical conclusion that saying that makes it impossible to get turned on. I didn't plan on leaving him hanging.. But his nightly threats killed any interest I would have had in sex...and it never came to fruition anyways. The other night we got right back to a 10 minute non satisfying for me, 100 dollar hand job for him! On Saturday he was demeaning and rude several times...once about a shirt I didn't order for him months back, next about a sign on the road I didn't read (yard sale or something), then my driving until I finally told him he had no right to speak to me like that and I wouldn't tolerate it...he quit for once but then we really didn't talk the rest of the weekend...never do unless its about him and his job. So last night my son had baseball practice and my husband was to meet us there. It was raining 15 miles south where he was so he called and asked if it cancelled...I said no...it looked clear up north..so he says "no shit, I can fucking see what its doing and its gonna rain and i dont want to fucking drive if its cancelled". Again I told him not to talk to me in a demeaning and disrespectful manner and hung up on him. He called back and said he had to fix a flat tire when he got home and I told him Id decided not to go to practice. When I got home I parked in the garage..I should note that as I pulled in I saw the air hose and chuck laying on the floor so I rolled down my window to make sure I didn't run over the chuck and that I straddled the hose so he could pull it out and use it. When he got home he was furious and pulled my suv out of the shop bitching because he'd told me he had to fix a flat...he peeled the tires when he pulled it out. He proceeded to tell my 9 yr old daughter that I was a stupid bitch, that I ran over the air chuck, that i was stupid because the breaker was off (I turned it back on for him) and that I needed to get my yard sale leftovers out of his fucking shop and that he works while I don't do a fucking thing all day. He threw the steel air chuck at me but I dodged well enough it only grazed my shoulder. Its worth mentioning that in just the last 2 week I have organized the baseball team he coaches, taken my son to practice, paid all the bills, done 8 loads of laundry, stripped the flooring and linoleum out of the kitchen to prep for new flooring, removed all the furniture, removed the trim, painted the kitchen, filled a 16' enclosed trailer with yard sale stuff to take to the flea market, climbed on the roof to apply sealant to vents that were leaking (in spite of the fact that ladders scare me and I had asked him to do it 7-8 times), shampooed the carpet in the spare room then vacuumed it on my hands and knees with a shop vac, and taken 3 boxes of clothes to the donation center, stained both the front and back porches, fed the dogs, chickens, and ducks every day, watered the horses and the rest, dusted all the furniture, and cooked dinner! He didnt speak to me all night then this morning while Im still in bed kisses me 3 times and says I love you very much. All I can think in my head is " you hate me you fucker".