I'm Not Buying

How interesting my mind has been this past month. The first part of October was relatively uneventful. Oh there was the usual gut feeling that my husband was looking at porn again...but not obsessively...at first. Hes a weak fool...unable to confront or control his own weakness. The 2nd week of this month he began coming home in an unpleasant mood. Not awful but the elephant was in the room. Of course it progressed and of course he was on his phone. He walks in the door and says"whats for dinner?" without a hello. He snapped at me a couple times...once about laundry. The 2nd time we were discussing an extra expense he wanted to make and I mildly mentioned to just get as many work hours as he could. I got the "well maybe if you had a fucking job or did anything I wouldn't have to". This is where my mind is interesting...my response?! I told him not to speak to me that way and he needed to check himself. I didn't scream, cry or get upset. But I knew....you know...he was getting into the porn, cheating...which always correlates to increased disrespect and verbal and emotional abuse. Another night...with his parents visiting...my daughter cleaned the kitchen counters. She moved his wallet to the other counter near "his corner". Later he couldn't find it and berated her harshly - in front of her grandparents. She defended herself and said it was somewhere on the counter where she'd put it..but he berated her again telling her she was stupid and she shouldnt be fucking with his stuff.. and she ran off crying. A few minutes later it was found...only a foot from where she thought she put it...he just didnt see it under his sunglasses. I immediately and firmly told him he should not have talked to her like that AND owed her an apology. And that it was unacceptable. He instead defended his harshness saying "the bitch" should'nt have moved it...to which I sooo succinctly replied "well maybe you should fucking clean the counters once in a while then". Haha...my mindset is NOT allowing me to put up with abuse. We went out to dinner with his parents that night. He told the same irritating...I mean seriously irritating "funny" story I've heard at least 5-6 times now. About how one of his coworkers had a lunch from his wife with a note...and how they were only married 3 yrs. So he tells the guy...yeah, first few yrs they make you lunch with a sweet note, then lunch with no note, then just the sandwich, and after 7 yrs you're making your own lunch....hahaha he chuckles. Ive heard this story (as he tells it so much) that Ive had enough. And just maybe all those wifely charms last if you dont turn into a porn addicted cheating lying abusive slob right? I waited a moment and before I could comment my 15 yr old son says "why dont you just appreciate her for what she does do?. Hey..awesome kid eh?! However I still felt the need to establish my intolerance for disrespect...so I said well newly married husbands dont go to Twin Peaks on their wives birthdays either. Oh his reply?...it wasnt your birthday..oh my bad..it was saturday and my birthday was sunday...and he didnt do SHIT for me either day! Anyways this past week hes been a bit silent..and hes been on his phone...looking at women while sitting across the room. And did I forget he still lies? So our cell tower out here must of been messed up as we couldnt get service for a couple days...only my husband had a meltdown about it.  When he finally got service he was sitting over there looking at "youngleafs" (filth) and Id had enough...called him out on it...quietly...told him he was a pervert and that I knew hed been in several sites. He called me a bitch of course..didnt really try to deny after that...and put his phone down. I didnt mention it but I have blatantly evaded any physical contact...sexual and non sexual..for two weeks. I refuse to use my body to placate him any more. I did tell him the simpering wimp from 2 yrs ago is GONE. So I saw a report on Colorado best about divorce...my option for alimony looks excellent i was happy to see...so I started looking at divorce lawyers day before yesterday to get a consultation. I dont know if :option one-he has a sixth sense hes gone too far (unlikely). Option 2-he listened when I basically told him to check himself (unlikely). Or option 3-hes been chatting, emailing, or just plain out had a porn fix frenzy (most likely). But suddenly night before last he comes home pleasant and loving. Last night more of the same with a dose of affection. I admit I am non responsive..nor do I initiate...nor do I buy it. I dont buy anything any more. And he acts as if I have transgressed somewhere also...hes an ass....of course Ive been a bitch..but only in direct reaction to his actions...until he changes his thinking his next relationship will fail to...and though he may get generous time with my sons...he WONT with my daughter. By the way..that lunch story...its insulting and derogatory.